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​The Trouble With Tribbles

This song is by Voltaire and appears on the album BiTrektual (2012).

I worked on a garbage skowl
Near the Neutral Zone
And I'm sure you've heard,
What occurs
When a fella is alone

Well, I was mighty lonely there
Till I met a man named Jones
And he sold me a muff,
Covered in fluff
So I wouldn't have to
Spank my bone.

So grab your self a tribble
And then you're good to go.
If you've got enough
Quadrotriticale
You'll have an endless
Supply of hos.

I grabbed myself some vaseline
And slathered up my pole
But the trouble with these tribbles
They're fuzzy and they're cute
But I can never find the hole.

They're fuzzy and they're cute
But he can never find the hole!

That mate there is Scotty,
He's our chief engineer.
And he's never had a ho
Cause most don't know
He's queer as Vulcan beer!

I caught him with some tribbles
I said 'man are you dumb?
Hear my song, you're doing it wrong'
He was shoving them up his bum!

Get your self a tribble
And then you're good to go.
If you've got enough
Quadrotriticale
You'll have an endless
Supply of hos.

I grabbed myself some vaseline
And slathered up my pole
But the trouble with these tribbles
They're fuzzy and they're cute
But I can never find the hole.

They're fuzzy and they're cute
But he can never find the hole!

Klingon captain Koloth
He's mean as he is shrewd.
And on shore leave, he got us peeved
Because he's very rude.

We beamed all of our tribbles
To Koloth and his crew
But from the yells we couldn't tell
Just who was raping who!

Get your self a tribble
And then you're good to go.
If you've got enough
Quadrotriticale
You'll have an endless
Supply of hos.

I grabbed myself some vaseline
And slathered up my pole
But the trouble with these tribbles
They're fuzzy and they're cute
But I can never find the hole.

They're fuzzy and they're cute
But he can never find the hole!

Bones says these critters are all pregnant when they're born.
I had just one now I've a thousand maybe more!
I've got so many now, I know just what to do
I think I'll start an interstellar heavy petting zoo!

I was on K7 when I saw Mr. Jones
And I gave him what for and said what's more,
I'm here to pick a bone.

That tribble that you sold me,
It didn't have a hole to screw.
"You dope," he said, "You don't screw them!
You let those things screw you!"

So get yourself a tribble
And then your good to go.
If you have enough quadrotriticale
You'll have a dozen of them in your hole!

Grab myself self some Vaseline and
Slather up my rump.
'Cause the nice things bout these tribbles
They're fuzzy and they're cute
And you can put 'em in your bum

They're fuzzy and they're cute
And you can put 'em in your bum.

So go back to your quarters
And on your bunk you lay.
You hope and pray that on our way
We pass a bird of prey

Tribbles hate the Klingons
They really make 'em go.
They get irate and they vibrate
Up in your heiney hole!

So get yourself a tribble
And then you're good to go.
If you have enough quadrotriticale
You'll have a dozen of them in your hole!

I grab self some Vaseline and
Slather up my rump.
The nice things bout these tribbles
They're fuzzy and they're cute
And you can put 'em in your bum.

They're fuzzy and they're cute
And you can put 'em in your bum.

These tribbles boldly going, up in your frackin' hole!