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​Founding Fathers Rap

This song is by Trevor Moore.

The name is George Washington, but it's "The General" to you
Or you could call me President 1 or 3 or 2
And you probably heard a lot a silly stories 'bout me
But let me lay it down how raw it really used to be

I got a hemp operation, back at the plantation
Selling the stickiest shit around the new nation
So come run and find me if you wanna get high
Cause honestly, I got the bombest, I cannot tell a lie

Pick it, dry it, of course I'm gonna try it
Bag it, brick it, and then just let 'em buy it
And if the Brits wanna come to take a piece of the cut
I'll raise a whole fuckin' army, let 'em see what's what

The King's like, "Yo... I gotta get paid"
I'm like, "Tuff titty, cause y'alls a whole ocean away
And you can try to send some ships just to make me pay up
But that's an awful long way just to sick these nuts."

You get my fuckin' message son? Take it Thomas Jefferson:

Sell drugs, run guns, nail sluts, and fuck the law
We're founding fathers, we're Rushmore Shit
And we were all high as balls

The Declaration of Independence
I wrote so high I'm surprised it makes sense
But we take these truths to be self-evident
It goes puff puff pass, the next round you get skipped

Abe Lincoln, I know what you're thinkin'
Greatest President ever... I'll have what he's drinkin'
Ha ha, yeah, well see, that's where you'd be wrong
'Cause if you wanna chill with me you better go and grab that bong

Or an apple or a can, see you do not understand
Faded 24/7 cause that's just the way I am
I can see you're having a little trouble believing me
Then check this letter that I wrote, recorded down in history:

Ahem... "Two of my favorite things are sitting on my porch
And smoking a pipe of that sweet hemp of course."
That's a quote that I wrote while I was still in office
But enough of that I am too high, I have to back up off this

Where's my horse I think I need to go and ride him home
I was supposed to leave about four score and twenty riffs ago
You see my hat? I like it I kinda think it looks like a stove
Scratch it, pass it one more time and let me hit it for the road

Sell drugs, run guns, nail sluts, and fuck the law
We're founding fathers, we're Rushmore Shit
And we were all high as balls

And don't let 'em try and tell ya' we grew it just for rope
You can check what we wrote down in our harvest notes
We separated seeds that we found more potent
In layman's terms we were into getting' bent

Smokin' out the Continental Congress
Everybody's bitches be like all up on us
Patrick Henry's in the corner lookin' pretty well spent
Ben Franklin got so high he forgot to be President

Your girl just said she never had it hit so good
Smoked so many trees my fuckin' teeth turned wood
And if they make a monument to me when I die
It'll be a giant abstract joint up in the sky

But you know they're gonna whitewash me...
Make up some corny shit about me choppin' cherry trees
It's hard to control a people if their Founder's a thug
So they'll just teach that I was all prayers, puppies, and hugs

But that just ain't the way it was
We set this whole place up with a hell of a buzz
So next time they try to tell ya that this stuff is wrong
Look at a dolla, light a blunt, fucking sing my song

Sell drugs, run guns, nail sluts, and fuck the law
We're founding fathers, we're Rushmore Shit
And we were all high as balls

We're the Founders, and we found this
And we found it, with some Cannabis
We're the Founders, and we found this
And we found it, with some Cannabis

Mount Rushmore Crew:
Stone monument to some monumental stoners. Ha ha!
G Washington, T Jefferson, and A Lincoln
And fuck that other guy... Calvin Coolidge? Whoever the fuck...
We History