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Tom Payne:I Built A Better Model Than The One At Data General Lyrics

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I Built a Better Model than the One at Data General

This song is by Tom Payne and appears on the compilation Vince Emery Presents the Funniest Computer Songs (1989).

I built a better model than the one at Data General
For databases vegetable, animal and mineral
My OS handles CPUs with multiplexed duality
My PL/1 compiler shows impressive functionality

My storage system's better than magnetic core polarity
You needn't even bother checking out a bit for parity
There isn't any reason to install non-static floor matting
My disk drive has capacity for variable formatting

I feel compelled to mention what I know to be a gloating point
There's lots of space in memory for variables floating-point
Which shows for input vegetable, animal and mineral
I built a better model than the one at Data General

The IBM new home computer's nothing more than germinal
At Prime they still have problems with an interactive terminal
While Tandy's done a lousy job with operations Boolean
At Wang the byte capacity's too small to fit a coolie in

Intel's mid-year finances are something of the trouble sort
The Timex-Sinclair crashes when you implement a bubble sort
All DEC investors soon will find they haven't spent their money well
And need I even mention Nixdorf, Univac and Honeywell?

By striving to eliminate all source code that's repetitive
I've brought my benchmark standings to results that are competitive
In short, for input vegetable, animal and mineral
I built a better model than the one at Data General

In fact, when I've a Winchester of minimum diameter
When I can call a subroutine of infinite parameter
When I can point to registers and keep their current map around
And when I can prevent the need for mystifying wraparound

When I can update record blocks with minimum of suffering
And when I can afford to use 100K for buffering
When I've performed a matrix sort and tested the addition rate
You'll marvel at the speed of my asynchronous transmission rate

Though all my better programs that self-reference recursively
Have only been obtained through expert spying done subversively
Still for input vegetable, animal and mineral
I built a better model than the one at Data General

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