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​Uncle Knobby

This song is by The Macc Lads and appears on the album Bitter, Fit Crack (1987).

My name is Uncle Knobby, I hang around primary schools
And underneath my raincoat, I'm always totally nude
I show my navel fluff collection to lots of fully-clothed men
And I get a full erection, and I have to rush to the gents

Ooh! Uncle Knobby, where's our special treat?
Why do you keep taking pictures and sniffing our bicycle seats?

I introduce my penis to hamsters, gerbils and mice
I like to read Fiesta, and peek at the reader's wives

Ooh! Uncle Knobby, can't we please go home?
Why do you hide in the bushes? And what have you done with our clothes?

I grummidge in my portfolio, which is full of Tampax ads
I look up my own bottom with mirrors from ladies' handbags

Ooh! Uncle Knobby, can't we please go home?
We've never seen any dildos, and we don't want to wear pantyhose
Ooh! Uncle Knobby, Why have you smeared us with cake?
We don't like standing in custard, and we don't want to play with your snake.