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​Pie Taster

This song is by The Macc Lads and appears on the album From Beer To Eternity (1989) and on the compilation album An Orifice And A Genital: Out-Takes 1986-1991 (1993).

She had just turned twenty nine,
(Needed a good ironing),
Smelling like a tench,
(Face looked like a welder's bench),
Her tights were baggy at the rear,
(She could fart for Lancashire),
She said she liked the taste of my bell-end cheddar,
And she asked me if I wanted to bed her.

She was desperate for a f***,
(Said her cunt was healing up)
She had piles and NSU,
(Creepy crawlies in her pubes)
Dribbling out of her womb
(More semen (seamen) than the QE2)

I've never been to bed with an ugly woman,
But I've woken up with one or two,
(No he's never been to bed with an ugly woman,
But he's woken up with quite a few.)

Stretch marks on her bum,
(Tasted pies for Titterton's),
Stretch marks on her bum,
(Tasted pies for Titterton's),
Stretch marks on her bum,
(Tasted pies for Titterton's),
Stretch marks on her bum.

I've never been to bed with an ugly woman,
But I've woken up with one or two,
(No he's never been to bed with an ugly woman,
But he's woken up with quite a few.)