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​Maid Of Ale

This song is by The Macc Lads and appears on the album Bitter, Fit Crack (1987).

Mucky hiker hitching West along the M65,
She's got seamen (semen) on her chest and Morecambe (more come) on her sign
She said she'd got her menstrual cycle, I said: "You'd better flog it"
Didn't want to make a meal of her, so I gave her a lump of hot fish yoghurt
I bet she comes from Macclesfield
Filthy, fat and flatulent, she couldn't make a decent brew,
Ugly as a pig, she couldn't cook a jew (coo-ca-choo)
Its no wonder they call them pigs, look at the way she grunts
She thinks she's posh, but she's like a tampon,
'Cause they're both just stuck-up cunts
I bet she comes from Macclesfield

Turned out she owned a pub in London, called the Old White Hart
She became my Maid of Ale
But I had to put up with her fishy cunt farts