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Helen Of Fowey

This song is by The Macc Lads and appears on the album Alehouse Rock (1994).

Got me tanktop with the budgie front, party on at Vinny's
Oxford bags, so I looked a cunt, but the party's nearly finished
Nowt to drink but Noilly Prat, Babycham or Snowball
Nowt to shag but something fat on holiday from Cornwall
The face that lunched on a thousand chips
Seventeen hairs in the wart on her bottom lip
But I knew I had to give it a shag, or she'd go home thinking I'm a screaming handbag.
Didn't know which way up she was, I said: 'Fart and give us a clue, love.'
She said back at hers she had some beer, 'and a bottle of Clandew, love.'
I got dead pissed, she looked quite fit, she looked like someone famous,
I fumbled about, but my aim was out, I stuffed it up her anus
She picked her arse as she lay bare, digging out the bits of bogroll in her anal hair
I knew I had to give it a shag, now she'll go home thinking I'm a screaming handbag

Got out of bed to have a piss, and something really shocked us,
A yellow growth on my bell end, I legged it down the doctor's
This is what you get when you tunnel test, its yellow and deformed;
But it wasn't clap, or owt like that, but a f***ing piece of sweetcorn

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