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​Guess My Weight

This song is by The Macc Lads and appears on the album Bitter, Fit Crack (1987).

I bet my mates I could get a date with a girl called Edna Gratton,
She walked in the place, said she liked my face, It was one she hadn't sat on,
I said: 'I hope you're insured if you want me pork sword,
It's what comes when I sup Boddingtons,
If you want a quick fiddle, Its wrapped round me middle,
And in a warehouse down in Warrington.

Sit on me face,
I'll guess your weight,
Sit on me face.

They drip with fear when they see my beef spear,
Come busting (combusting) out of me flies,
When I've supped me ale, they get impaled,
They just can't take its size.

Sit on me face,
I'll guess your weight,
Sit on me face.

Lying in this f***ing field, outside Duckinfield,
Her knickers wet and sloppy,
I was going to take her,
When her cunt said: 'Breaker, breaker,
Anyone for a copy?'

I fumbled past the boils, dug out a rusty coil,
I could have been scarred for life,
It lay there rusting, I said it smelled disgusting,
She said: 'Its Chanel No 5.' (channel number five)

Sit on me face,
I'll guess your weight,
Sit on me face.

They drip with fear when they see my beef spear,
Come busting out of me flies,
When I've supped me ale, they get impaled,
They just can't take its size.

Sit on me face,
I'll guess your weight,
Sit on me face,
I'll guess your weight.