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​Apprentice Dentist

This song is by The Macc Lads and appears on the album The Beer Necessities (1990).

Working at the dentist,
Community service,
Trying to fix the lighting,
And undercoat the door.

She ran down the road,
Her teeshirt was bouncing,
Looked like two rabbits fighting,
She never wore support.

Said she had a toothache,
Had to see a dentist,
'Go and take your clothes off,
Now then, open wide.

Looks like you need a filling,
I'll have to do some drilling',
She wasn't very willing,
She wouldn't part her thighs.

Her orifice,
Stank of piss,
I bent to kiss her clitoris,
It smelled of fish,
Around her lips,
Were scabby bits,
She had nice tits,
I'll get her pissed,
She won't resist.

I had to get her paralytic,
Got out the antiseptic,
And the anaesthetic,
And held it on her nose.

I had to get inside her,
'I think it's an incisor',
Dribbling saliva,
I gave her a dose.

'Your gum's got an infection,
You'll need a quick injection,
I'll use my large erection',
She gobbled down my beef.

The nosh was eighteen carat,
I pushed against her palate,
She sucked my mutton mallet,
Got pearl drops on her teeth.

'I'm sorry miss,
But here's the twist,
I'm here to help put up some shelves,
I'm no dentist,
But go next door,
The second floor,
It's the sperm bank, they'll pay a grand for what's in your jaw'.