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The Ballad Of Farquaad

This song is by Unknown Artist.

My daddy was a miner
So he wasn't much around
Foraging for diamonds
A life spent underground

Daddy didn't talk much
He barely said hello
He'd simply mutter, "Heigh, ho"
And off to work he'd go
Daddy was grumpy

My momma was a princess
Who left her crown behind
Daddy was her true love
So momma didn't mind

I never knew my momma
But she could've been a queen
She married way beneath her
Beneath her knee, I mean

Oh, daddy's bed was lumpy
So mommy couldn't sleep
Daddy built a new one
So tall and so steep

Twenty five mattresses she slept upon
One night she rolled over
And momma was gone
So daddy was grumpy

Me and my old man
A tale as old as dirt
A bitter distant father
In a tiny undershirt

Daddy up and left me
Left me good as dead
Now he lives in squalor
Sleeping seven to a bed

Oh, if you could only see me now
Daddy, I'd invite you to the wedding
But you have to be this tall to get in

My bride-to-be is gorgeous
Her wedding dress, designer
The guest list will be major
Without a minor miner

Packs of royal lackeys
Playing violin
Strings of royal underlings
Who will not let you in
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha

Tricked out carriage, twenty stallions
With a coachman named Raoul
Big reception with a boy band
And a royal DJ by the pool

Yes, I can see my future
And so it shall be done
It's total domination
With some torture just for fun

'Cause I will have my wedding
And I will have a queen
And once I get that crown on
You will get the guillotine

And I'll punish you, daddy
'Cause I'm all grown up
And bigger than you'll ever know

You're gonna pay, daddy
It's any day, daddy
I'm off to work, heigh, ho

Written by:

David Lindsay-Abaire; Jeanine Tesori

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