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​I'm Gonna Take You Home (And Make You Like Me)

This song is by Robbie Fulks.

Robbie:
You caught my eye clear across the bar
That's a hell of a walk
What's a girl like you (hic)
My sign is (hic)
Enough small talk

This joints too small and crowded
I can tell you agree
So I'm gonna take you home and make you like me
No come here a minute

Did you ever get the feeling like your stuck
On something at first sight (not really)
Like your warm all over
What the Germans call gamauklakike (nein)
You're a hot little chickie, I'm a handsome stud
You do the biology
Now I'm gonna take you home and make you like me

Yeah I'm gonna take you far from here
Under the shadow of the valley of beer
Unto a higher place where you belong
So sail away in my SUV
And get closer to the real
Then you'll see your first impression goes so wrong

GIRL:
You're routine's all rusty
It's not working trust me
In fact you disgust me
You drunk hillbilly
I just smiled in passing
Now stop your harassing
And finally one last thing

Robbie:
Oh, don't say it! I couldn't stand to...

GIRL:
Well then sit down

Robbie:
Well you know you're the cutest little thing...

GIRL:
Oh that's original

Robbie:
Hey Joe here's a $20 bill give the little lady anything she wants...

GIRL:
Hey what's that there on your left hand?

Robbie:
Well that's an old war medal if you must know
You probably don't realize I'm a big important fella

GIRL:
You're a big important something all right

Robbie:
I'm down here from Chicago
Warner Brothers division

GIRL:
Oh, do they know about this? You might wanna...

Robbie:
Scouting for new country talent

GIRL:
I'll call the authorities

Robbie:
I think you got just the look we're looking for

GIRL:
Yeah so does every other girl in this bar

Robbie:
Take my business card here

GIRL:
That's all right, I won't {beer spilling} Ugh...

Robbie:
Son of a bi... Oh let me see
Car key. Credit card...

GIRL:
You are a mess

Robbie:
A house key, my...
Hey! Here's a duplicate house key
You just hold on to that in case it ever comes in...

GIRL:
You know what, I don't think I'm gonna need it

Robbie:
Oh come on! Just put it in your pocket. You know...

GIRL:
You might want to hold onto it in case you get

Robbie:
C'mon, take it. Take it.
Take it! Take it! Take it!

GIRL:
You're routine's all rusty
It's not working trust me
In fact you disgust me
You think I'm some hussy
You don't recognize me
You better get...

Robbie:
I'm gonna take you home little honey
I'm gonna take you
Hey bartender where's the tab
I want to settle up now
You stay right here
I'm gonna vomit
You're gonna love my great big deck
I'm gonna take you home!
(Coughing)

GIRL:
Why you fast talking, slow thinking
Gin guzzling hound dog
You are so drunk
You have forgotten that we's married!

Robbie:
Really?
Oh...
Um, well
In that case
I'd better take you home and make you like me!