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​Countrier Than Thou

This song is by Robbie Fulks and appears on the album Georgia Hard (2005).

Countrier Than Thou, Countrier Than Thou
You weren't raised in a shack so you better not act so
Countrier Than Thou

Some people just don't understand it
If you come from where the kudzu grows
They think the south is like a planet of peckerwoods and bozos
When I was young I picked some tubers
Even took a swig of moonshine
But I never saw so many goobers
Until the day I crossed that line

Countrier Than Thou, Countrier Than Thou
You wasn't born in a cave so you better not behave so
Countrier Than Thou

Down at the bar a-spinnin Haggard he wore a Johnny Reb tattoo
Overalls he spat and swaggered, lord he was a Boston Jew
He loved bluegrass oh, brother when I said Shania he sneered
"That's a word I wouldn't know of
We like to keep it down-home up here"

Countrier Than Thou, Countrier Than Thou
You ain't never read your bible, tell me why's your vibe all
Countrier Than Thou

Home is nice and Dixie's nice
And everyone likes a thing that's nice
But everybody likes you better by far
When you are what you are

Not a hillbilly dilletante, fair weather hick,
Demi-something (clyde, clod), faux po'folks, well-readneck
Robert-E.-come-lately hayseed wanna-be undercover Yankee
Mississippi Ph. D., Alabamateur,
50% less Tarheel armchair Arkansan

He's got a ranch he wears a Stetson
He's a hip-shooting ex-oil king
He even talks like Buddy Ebsen
But he's sitting in the West Wing
Frankenstein I'm well aware of
But won't somebody please explain
How you get a county sherrif walking with a fratboy's brain

Countrier Than Thou, Countrier Than Thou
Well you went to Andover What's the banjo fer?
Countrier Than Thou