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Why Don't Women Like Me?

This song is by Richard Thompson and appears on the compilation RT - The Life And Music Of Richard Thompson (2006).

Now, I know I'm not handsome
No good looks or wealth
But the girls I chase say my plain face
Will compromise their health
Now, I know fellahs worse than me
Bow-legged and boss-eyed
Walking out with lovely women
Clinging to their side

Now, if women like them like men like those
Why don't women like me
Look at Empress Josephine
The most attractive woman that ever was seen
Yet Napoleon, short and fat
Captivates a lovely looking girl like that
Now, if women like them like men like those
Why don't women like me, hey-hey
Why don't women like me

Last night I went out walking
My intentions were to click
But the sights I saw while walking out
They nearly made me sick
I saw a lot of lovely girls
Attractive little dears
Arm in arm with ugly men
With cauliflower ears

Well, if women like them like men like those
Why don't women like me
What can the attraction be
That's the thing that always starts to worry me
Although I haven't got a bean
I've got a lot of things the girls have never seen
Well, if women like them like men like those
Why don't women like me, hey-hey
Why don't women like me

Now, I went on my holidays
Down to the gay seaside
I saw a lot of things there
Being hidden by the tide
The way the women jumped around
The men there in the sea
Made me think that there
Is still a good chance left for me

'Cause if women like them like men like those
Why don't women like me
Of all the shapes and sizes there
I've got a chance of clicking yet, I do declare
Oh, I don't want to be a nark
I saw a lot of things below the water mark
Well, if women like them like men like those
Why don't women like me, hey-hey
Why don't women like me

Well, if women like them like men like those
Why don't women like me
Take Lord Nelson with one limb
Lady William Hamilton, she fell for him
With one eye and one arm gone west
She ran like the devil and she grabbed the rest
Well, if women like them like men like those
Why don't women like me, hey-hey
Why don't women like me

Written by:

George Formby