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Xerox Xmas Letter

This song is by Ray Stevens and appears on the album Ray Stevens Christmas: Through a Different Window (1997).

We got a Xerox Christmas letter
From the Sterling family,
Seems things in Palm Springs
Are going swimmingly.
Their daughters both married doctors,
Their son was Yale's Man of the Year,
Chip's business broke all records,
Buffy's a Red Cross volunteer.

We've been on their Xerox letter list
For twenty years or more,
It's been that long, at least,
Since the Sterlings lived next door.
But this year my wife, Lurleen, said,
As we were sweeping up the yard,
"Let's us send a Xerox letter this year,
Instead of a Christmas card!"

Howdy, y'all and Merry Christmas!

Well, we still live in the double-wide,
But Bubba's added on,
A bass-boat shed and a workshop,
And new flamingos for the lawn,
We took down the front yard tire swing,
Now that Junior's in the pen,
But it looks like a happy new year:
They moved him off death row again!

Xerox Christmas letters --
Oh, nothing could be better
Than to hear from folks you hardly know,
Bragging on all they have achieved.
Xerox Christmas letters --
Yeah, nothing we like better:
We read them from the glow
Of our 2-foot aluminum tree.

Our youngest is at the halfway house,
Once again in the family way,
This time the daddy lives beneath the bridge
On the old I-5 freeway.
And this year we all took a whirlwind tour,
But we didn't get too far:
It happened when a twister touched down
In our trailer park.

Xerox Christmas letters --
Oh, nothing could be better
Than to hear from folks you hardly know,
Bragging on all they have achieved.
Xerox Christmas letters --
Yeah, nothing we like better:
We read them from the glow
Of our 2-foot aluminum tree.

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