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​Draft Dodger Rag

This song is by Phil Ochs and appears on the album I Ain't Marching Anymore (1965).

Oh I'm just a typical American boy
From a typical American town
I believe in God and Senator Dodd
And keeping old Castro down.
And when it came my time to serve
I knew better dead than red
But when I got to my old draft board,
Buddy, this is what I said:

Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat,
And my asthma's getting worse
O think of my career, my sweetheart dear,
And my poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school,
And I'm working in a defense plant.

I've got a dislocated disc and a racked-up back
I'm allergic to flowers and bugs
And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits
And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs.
I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes
I can hardly reach my knees
And if the enemy came close to me
I'd probably start to sneeze.

I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies,
But one thing you gotta see
That someone's gotta go over there
And that someone isn't me.
So I wish you well, Sarge, give 'em Hell
Yeah, Kill me a thousand or so
And if you ever get a war without blood and gore
I'll be the first to go.