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Qualifiers

This song is by Open Mike Eagle and appears on the album Dark Comedy (2014).

I see the deepest greens
I hear the darkest blues
Might not be synesthesia
Might be apartment fumes
G-g-get up and dance
G-g-get up and dance
I w-w-wipe my son's ass
And get shit on my hands
He'd get in my car and be like
"Daddy play some Busdriver"
Why the fuck's it take two lines to do a one liner
And why's it take three beats to do a two-step
Sick days, I got two left
So I take five, Dave Brubeck
I make jazz jokes so I'm flat broke
Mad at LOST and that black smoke
Fuck you if you're a white man that assumes I speak for black folks
Fuck you if you're a white man who thinks I can't speak for black folk
Let that soak in your rap quotes
And your head hurt, and your back broke
I'm half crack smoke and half black soap
I admit that it's an imperfect blend
Hold up it's my turn again
I'm playing thirteen games of Words With Friends
Lift your hands
Lift your head if your clothes are clean and your kids are fed
Mine's potty trained, so when he pisses the bed
Then he can tell I'm heated like infrared, yeah

We're the best, mostly
Sometimes the freshest rhymers
We the tightest kinda
Respect my qualifiers
We're the best, mostly
Sometimes the freshest rhymers
We the tightest kinda
Respect my qualifiers

They say they're looking for me, but I don't wanna hear it
You can find me in the park district, volunteering
With my hair disheveled, and my sneakers scuffed
Or use your gps and get your celly features up
I went to Africa, they played me on the radio
And did I weird the people out, yeah, maybe so
Cause all they knew was jive
And all I do is vibe
And 'Bright Green Light' made the program director lose his mind
He said "What type of rap is that? Ain't no bitches, hoes"
And I ain't even being funny, homie didn't know
Shoulda said it's whimsical
Like Serengeti taught me
My thoughts are very lofty
Response time is very faulty
I'm far too young to lead
And way to old to die
I ain't played Call of Duty, smoke you in Golden Eye
RPG, roll the die
JPG Kobe Tai
PG 13 Cobra Kai
PPG Luc Robitaille

We're the best, mostly
Sometimes the freshest rhymers
We the tightest kinda
Respect my qualifiers
We're the best, mostly
Sometimes the freshest rhymers
We the tightest kinda
Respect my qualifiers

I didn't write the words you hear me singing
I didn't sing a line before this one
And you are not the one I was addressing
That person took a train to Africa
And simultaneous events don't happen
We are isolated temporally
And the part is never called the whole thing
Though it bothers us to know it so

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