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​Samurai Abstinence Patrol

This song is by Ninja Sex Party and appears on the album Attitude City (2015).

In the tall skyscrapers of ancient Japan
Lived two great warriors: a dude and a man
Who proclaimed no sex until you are married
They were Arin Neverbone and Samurai Barry

Five-hundred years later two heroes were born
One cloaked in blue spandex, the other in scorn
They were Ninja Sex Party, they had but one quest:
To bring sex to the masses 'cause that shit is the best

In a super-hot orgy with ten girls and a mime
Danny thrusted so hard he ripped a hole in space-time
His chub could be seen in the Ancient night sky
Glaring shots of Dan's nuts were in healthy supply

Arin and Barry knew they had to act fast
So they jumped through to the future 'cause they were dicks from the past
They landed two feet from where NSP was rocking
And screamed, "Danny it's your cock that we now will be blocking!"

Samurai Abstinence Patrol
To control all our junk is their one true goal
It's a battle for boners and rock and roll
Ninja Brian will stab them in the soul (and the face!)

What could this mean for Ninja Sex Party?
Will our heroes be stopped from their boning spree?
And will Danny get first place in his spelling bee?
The championship word is "nomenclature"

"Uh, N-O-C-fuck it!"

The orgy ground to a halt and they took it outside
The girls just went home, the mime probably died
Brian ran at Arin while Barry started screaming
Could we really have a future and a world without creaming?

All hell broke loose with the insane war cry
Arin soared through the air, apparently he could fly
Danny French-kissed a girl like he was king of Versailles
And Brian stabbed some random guy with a different guy

The battle raged on till the city was wrecked
But the two sides began to have mutual respect
"Goddamn," Arin yelled, "you must sure love to slam!"
"You don't even know," said Danny, "that shit is my jam!"

A union was formed between both rival camps
And they both started rocking, using NSP's amps
But the ceasefire ended, and the battle resumed
'Cause Danny whipped out his nuts, and the alliance was doomed

Samurai Abstinence Patrol
Now their tale will be passed down in sacred scrolls
They were voted most douchey in a recent poll
Independently conducted by Danny and Brian

Is the story over or has it just begun?
Has the battle for boning been lost or won?
The question is a deep and important one
Just like how in God's name do you spell "nomenclature"?!

"Phew, here we go. N-R-This is literally fucking impossible!"