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​Mr B's Christmas Song

This song is by Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer.

You mistook me for a sterling coast
I set about sending out an invitation to host
For a Christmas soiree
Well you'll be sorry
You see your wife is chaste, well she's more like Mata Hari
It's traditional to eat mince pies and such
But an additional treat for me is much more festive
In a carnal sense while you and Arnold Spence
Shout down on ?arnes? thence I shall slip away from the turgid groom
Of your 30s room and your wife ensume
As you pontificate of where your life in doom
Me and your trouble and strife do the old boom boom
You can wait in vain under the mistletoe
This'll go down like a little ho drowning in awkwardness
Four quid less for sherry will get you muck, well do I give a damn?

The duck is painted and your husband's waited on ?brew?
So I might just ?rists? and I'd love to ring out Christmas with you
I just might
He's sick to his ?life? from drinking cheap sherry and ?strew?
So I might just ?rists? and I'd love to ring out Christmas with you
Be a sport!

If you don't want your wife to act like a shareable whore
Then you must try not to be such a terrible bore
I bear no animosity towards you just a sense of regret
But I've done nothing illegal, yet
The gift I give to your Christmas crib is from women's lib
Now don't hit my rib
Your wife does please me, but bound again ?teasy?
When it's over garden fences it makes me quite queasy
A cricket bat's for sport, not for violence and the like
And isn't that the chain from your pedal bike?
Well I'd like to hang around and shoot the breeze
But I've become rather attached to my knees
Yes I've shared Christmas kisses with your pissed up missus
And I see that your wish is that I sleep with the fishes
But I'm sure that you and your wife will be perfectly fine
We're in the home counties, have a go on mine!

The duck is painted and your husband's waited on ?brew?
So I might just ?rists? and I'd love to ring out Christmas with you
I just might
He's sick to his ?life? from drinking cheap sherry and ?strew?
So I might just ?rists? and I'd love to ring out Christmas with you

Come on old chap!
Boom boom
Be a sport!
Boom boom
Boom boom