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​Beer Ain't Drinkin'

This song is by Mojo Nixon and appears on the compilation album Gadzooks!!! The Homemade Bootleg (1997).

Beer, beer ain't drinkin'
Beer, beer ain't drinkin'
I don't care what your mama's thinkin'
Everbody knows that (beer ain't drinkin')

Yeah well, it's the grog of the gods; Kickapoo joy juice
I'm a queer for beer and as thirsty as a moose
I don't care what your mama's thinkin'
Everbody knows that (beer ain't drinkin') (yeah!)

You say the bar's closed? Well, hell, son, just get me a beer
What'd ya mean, "No way!" That shit's practically clear (let me tell ya)
I don't care what your mama's thinkin'
Everbody knows that (beer ain't drinkin')

(I'm gonna tell you somethin' else here, now)
Well, I don't want a draft, I don't want a Dry
If I don't get a beer I'm gonna fuckin' die, I said....

Beer, beer ain't drinkin'
Beer, beer ain't drinkin'
I don't care what your mama's thinkin'
Everbody knows that (beer ain't drinkin')

(Hey Mr. Piano Player! Whack-a-doo!)

(And another thing:)
Well, eatin' ain't cheatin', ?????????????
Everybody sing like they're at the camp meeting, I said...

Beer, beer ain't drinkin' (Drinkin'! Drinkin'!)
Beer, beer ain't drinkin' (Somebody get me a gin & tonic)
I don't care what your mama's thinkin'
Everbody knows that (beer ain't drinkin') (Ho!)

Hell, I ain't drunk! I only had a pony keg
I chugged my carbo-loadin' dinner, still got my hollow leg
I don't care what your mama's thinkin'
Everbody knows that (beer ain't drinkin')
Yeah, everbody knows that (beer ain't drinkin')
Everbody knows that (beer ain't drinkin')

(Yeah!)
(Huh!)
(How!)

(Bring me a beer, please)