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​I Remember Sex

This song is by Loudon Wainwright III, features Dame Edna Everage and appears on the album Older Than My Old Man Now (2012).

What are you thinking, Loudon? You've got a far-away look in your eyes...

I remember sex, that thing we used to do
Where you'd lay down, and, usually, I'd lie on top of you
Sometimes, I'd lie on top of you, we tried that out a bit
But it didn't work as well - I guess something just didn't fit!

I remember sex, we had it at night
A few times in the morning, or after we would fight
And on special occasions when we'd had too much to drink
Once in a Morris Minor - a convertible, I think!

I remember sex, it was such a big deal
That we'd worry where it would come from much more than our next meal
And we were always hungry; often, we overate
And it was up and down - and back and forth - and hurry up and wait

I remember sex, and when we went to bed
Sometimes we didn't sleep at all, we just had sex instead
And having it was heavenly, not getting it pure hell
And it was either great, or bad - few did it merely well

I remember sex, and how it made us feel
Completely realistic - yet totally surreal
A thing that we all talked about and all that we thought of
The distant crazy cousin to the scary thing called love

I remember sex, I started on my own
When you and I stopped having it, I tried it on the phone
But that was so expensive, and sex is just a crutch
And since we kicked the habit we don't think about it much

But... I remember sex, it was something that we did
And we always used to worry that we'd end up with a kid
Then we'd have to get rid of it - or else we'd have to wed
These days sex can kill you, kids, so stay awake in bed!

Oh, Loudon, what memories...

Written by:

Loudon Wainwright III