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​White Dude

This song is by Lil Dicky and appears on the Mixtape So Hard (2013).

And y'ain't even want it wit da boy
'Cause the way I'm livin' life, is a muthafuckin joy
On some grown man B.I
I could have been a girl
Or any ethnicity up in the world
But I'm rollin' with the top back
I ain't gotta worry where the cops at
I ain't gotta wear a fucking bra strap
Me and the crew
Are really doing everything that we like to
Man it's a damn good day to be a white dude

Shit, I'm living good up in this bitch
Dicky rollin' round the city, blowin' good up in that wip
I ain't black or Dominican, not Hispanic or Indian
So imprisonment is not a predicament, I envision
For a white boy
Holla at ya muthafuckin kike, boy
Higher than a muthafuckin kite, it's aight boy
They ain't suspicious of Jews
I'll show contrition it's cool
Slap on my wrist, get ma daddy to choose
One of them top lawyers dat be rollin' round in his crew
I'm eating chop soy and bowlin on a carnival cruise
That's what I do, kid
Happy that my name ain't stupid
Dave coulda been Daquan with a few kids
But now I'm farting, overeating at meals
If ain't I gotta theme party, Ion't be at goodwill
I'm dentist paying, tennis playing, smellin on some cabernet
And I ain't gay but if I was, everything would be okay, look...
I know I'm being condescending in my rhymes
But ma premium channels mean Tyler Perry's never live
Getting tickets, they sick, I sit at the Eagle 45
Where I'm eating when I'm high's where they eat at to survive (food chains)

Yeah! It's little DI in this bitch ho
Happy that I'm white, but relieved I ain't a chick yo
I never wake up and have to cake on my makeup
Or straighten hair, I ain't given a damn
I'm wearing whatever I wanna in this muthafucka
They up in heels
And tummy tuckin, they don't grub except for takin' them pills, for real...
And ion't bleach shit
I ain't gotta eat dick
I ain't bleeding up out ma penis
Smoking the weed, ion't fall asleep because I'm cheefing
In disagreements, I participate without weeping
And when I'm freaking, I'm getting daps, high fives, and all that
Ma rep goin' up, and at best, ho a slut
So what up
Ya boy cut up
But eat butter
And I ain't gotta speak to my mother... to still love her
And I been getting better looking with age
But a guy can get who he deserves with a horrible face
*Seal interlude*
I mean, y'all seen Seal, right?
That dude's scarred the fuck up and dating, like, models and shit
And I bet, like, Adele's got to date somebody who works at, like, AT&T
I go on dates and never have to worry bout getting raped
And I watch a game and never have to worry bout how it's played
And I meet a babe and never have to act deliriously fake
And if impregnate I can pack a bag and be on my way
But good luck, girl!

Yeah!
I'm happy as fuck man
First off I'm a dude so
There was a one-in-two chance of that sucking
But now I can run a seven minute mile
I can defend myself adequately
I can be logical
I can get along with my room-mates
Watch serious movies without being scared by them
And then on top of that I'm white
Which is like, amazing because
Everybody naturally assumes I'm a great person
I get a fair shot at the life that I deserve
I mean I could underachieve my way into any college in the country
I get my hair cut at a salon
People always hold the door open for me, which is nice
Er, I never have to get into a fight, like, for social purposes
And please don't take this as me just disparaging black people
It ain't about that
It's about me being happy that I'm white, you know what I'm saying?
But on that note, could someone explain to me why Fat Joe, and any other person of Hispanic descent, is allowed to say the N-word?
I mean I guess it's unrelated but like that shit don't make any sense
I've been thinking about that shit a lot
Because I mean if I could say the N-word, it would really help my rhyme scheme out
It's like the perfect filler word