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​You Can't Dance

This song is by LL Cool J and appears on the album Radio (1985).

Hey man, I've seen ya. Think ya rockin' it on the floor?
You look like a moron! Who let you in the door?
To put the question bluntly: maybe your feet's deformed.
They should slap you in the teeth when you put your dancing shoes on.
You can't dance.

Why don't you just snap your feet to the floor?
Homeboy, what's the use?
Anytime you wanna step inside a party,
First think of an excuse.
You dance like a fat old lady
Not sayin' that fat old ladies ain't nice,
But every time you try to get one move right
The old lady then did it twice.
You can't dance.

You've been a dancing disco disaster,
The worst I ever saw.
They should dropkick you in the neck
And drag you off the floor.
In every discotech, I see you there
In the middle of the crowd,
Looking like you got eight or nine left feet dragging all around.
You can't dance.

Take my advice, don't move!
You'll never get the knack.
If I danced like you I'd sneak out the party
And wouldn't be coming back.
On the floor you're a dinosaur, yeah boy, that's how you move.
You look like Ralph Cramden (?) or a Donald Duck cartoon.
You can't dance.

You wanna come to my party?
I wouldn't give you a chance.
You tried to take breakdance lessons,
Ended up in an ambulance.
Wouldn't it be funny if they put you on solid gold?
You dance like you got arthritis already,
What'll happen when you get old?
You can't dance.

Why are you so stiff?
Is it something that your mother did?
Maybe you grew up around "can't dance" people
When you were a "can't dance" kid.
You live in a "can't dance" house,
Went out with a "can't dance" car,
Your doofy "can't dance" father
Got drunk in a "can't dance" bar.
You take a "can't dance" bath,
Put on your "can't dance" cologne.
Go out to a "can't dance" party
So you wouldn't have to "can't dance" all alone.
You can't dance.

Homeboy, will you please get off the floor, you moron?