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​Potato Song, The

This song is by Kevin Bloody Wilson.

Back when we was growing up, we hung around the local pool,
Great for cooling off in summer, great for chatting up sheilas too.
And me brother had birds flopping 'round him every time we went,
So I asked him what his secret was, and this is what he said...

Stick a potato down your bathers,
Yeah that'll get 'em in!
Shove a spud inside your duds,
Whenever you go for a swim.
Just pop a murphy down your surfies son,
And you'll be in like Flynn!
With a potato down your bathers
Yeah that'll get 'em in!

So I pissed off out the turnstiles and shot down the veggie store,
And grabbed myself a murphy, would've weighed half a pound or more.
And I shoved it down me bathers just like me brother said,
Then this randy little rooster turned and strutted back again.

With a potato down me bathers,
Yeah that'll get 'em in!
A you beaut murphy down me surfies,
Now bring on all the women
'Cause with it swinging in the breeze
I figured I'd be in like Flynn!
With a potato down me bathers,
Yeah that'll get 'em in!

I had no idea me brother's plan would work as good as that,
'Cause when them sheilas seen it hangin' there stopped them in their tracks!
Cause it was bulgin' like a bastard as I strutted by the pool,
I just grabbed it, squeezed it, winked and said,"Hey, check me out, I'm cool!"

With a potato down me bathers,
Yeah that'll get 'em in!
A whoppin' murphy down me surfies,
Hey girls, cop a load of this.
With that spud shoved down me duds,
I thought that I was in like Flynn!
With a potato down me bathers,
Yeah that'll get 'em in!

Eyes were poppin' out like golf balls, as the shielas stopped and stared,
And the blokes up in the grandstands all whistled, clapped, and cheered!
But me brother weren't too happy when he found out what I'd done,
He said "You fuckin' little wanker you're 'supposed to stick it down the front!

"Jesus now look what happened, fuck! All the sheilas have shot through!
And I'll never face me mates again fucking thanks to you!
I oughta' deck ya, fuckin' drown ya, wring your fucking neck!
'Cause that potato down your bathers is supposed to be your dick!
Yeah that potato down your bathers is supposed to be your dick!
'Round the front not round the back! How fucking stupid can you get!
You got it hangin' in your cossies like a fucking lump of shit
That potato down your bathers is supposed to be your dick!"

Oh.