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​Callahan's Bar

This song is by Jordin Kare and appears on the album Fire in the Sky (1991).

There is a bar called Callahan's. It's really quite place
There's aliens there every night from every world and race
And when the puns start flying, as they do at quite a rate
Not even steel jawed robots can quite keep their faces straight

Spider, oh spider, why won't you tell us where
Callahan's is hidden and we'll do our drinking there

A time traveler comes in each week and buys a couple beers
He drinks them down then taps his belt and promptly disappears
Next week, same time he's back again still potted to the ears
He's been on one long bender for some twenty thousand years

There is a guy with funny eyes. His name is Michael Finn
He carries quite an arsenal tucked underneath his skin
His masters had him programmed once to do the whole Earth in
And the only thing that stopped him was a glass of homemade gin

A frigid blooded methane breather wandered in one night
And announced to one and all that he was lookin' for a fight
Mike said, "I'll have no fighting here in any shape or form."
And with a single mighty blow he knocked the fellow, warm?

A large grey wolf paced to the bar and ordered in a growl
Mike dusted off an old brown jug. He gave a joyful howl
One swallow and there stood a man. T'was quite a trick to pull
But the liquor it was moonshine, and the bottle it was full

Doc Webster, feeling genial, once told us of the day
He mixed chromosomes from vegetables with canine DNA
He crossed lassie with a cantaloupe. Said Mike, "So what you get?"
"Why a melon-collie baby and one hell of a startled vet."