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​My Dinner With Laurie

This song is by Honest Bob and the Factory-to-Dealer Incentives and appears on the album It's Not As Bad As I'm Making It Sound (2000).

I was in the supermarket, buying food. In the produce section, I
Noticed a woman holding an eggplant and a zucchini, saying "Eggplant,
Or zucchini? Eggplant, or zucchini?" It was Laurie Anderson. I
Should have known, I guess; she was wearing a name tag.

I said "Zucchini!" and she smiled at me kindly, as if I didn't quite
Get the joke. And she said "So, do you want to come over for dinner
Tonight?" And I said "Sure, I love zucchini!" And she replaced the
Vegetables and she said, "Oh, that, I was just practicing."

And she said ooh, it isn't very hard
The cellar's in the attic and the attic's in the yard
And she said ooh, try it now and see
The ocean's in the kitchen and the kitchen's on TV

And I said "Come on Laurie, cut the performance art crap. Can't we
Have a normal conversation?" And she said "This isn't a normal
Conversation. This is your song." And I said "Whoa."

She lived on the fifteenth floor. She said "I move up one floor every
Year. It helps to cure my fear of heights." And I said "Oh yeah?
Well, what are you going to do when you reach the top floor of the
Building?" And she said "Look, do you want dinner, or not?"

And she said ooh, it isn't very hard
The cellar's in the attic and the attic's in the yard
And she said ooh, try it now and see
The ocean's in the kitchen and the kitchen's on TV

And I said "Take me to the bridge, Laurie. Take me. Take me to the

After the bridge incident, we had dinner, and it was delicious. I
Told her that it was like being inside a beautiful seashell with the
Mind of the cook. And she said "Great. Did you like it?" And I said
"Like it? The earth moved!" And she said "Of course the earth moved.
The earth always moves. If it ever stopped moving, we'd all be flung
Off into space." And I said "Oh no, Laurie. You wouldn't be flung
Off into space. I'd hold you. I'd hold you tight. I'd hold you.
I'd hold you tight."

And I said ooh, it isn't very hard
The cellar's in the attic and the attic's in the yard
And I said ooh, try it now and see
The ocean's in the kitchen and the kitchen's on TV
And she said ooh, it isn't very hard
The cellar's in the attic and the attic's in the yard
And we said ooh, try it now and see
The ocean's in the kitchen and the kitchen's on TV
And I said
Cool