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​The Barrister And The Bargast

This song is by Haze and appears on the album The Last Battle (2013).

Across Paradise Square in his suit and bow tie
The Barrister strode with a gleam in his eye
His morals were low, but his fees were sky high
For he knew how to cheat and he knew how to lie

He worked late in the evening so he could charge more
For his time and his knowledge of old English law
The shadows lay deep as he walked from his door
Through the old cobbled square from a time long before

The Bargast awoke in the depths of his lair
Hidden from mortal eyes under the square
A huge ghostly dog with red eyes and black hair
He lifted his nose and he scented the air

What manner of man can give off such a smell?
The stench of corruption and Old Spice as well
It was worse than the stench in the bowels of Hell
A smell which the Bargast knew only too well

The Bargast came forth and the man stopped dead
He looked as the size of the beast and he said
"You better be licensed or woe betide you,
I'll have you put down and your master I'll sue"

The Bargast looked back with his red eyes aglow
He said "My master is no one you'd know,
I round up the guilty and I take them below,
Now it's your turn to feel my teeth in your soul"

The Barrister turned and he fled with some vigour
But expense account luncheons had fattened his figure
So the Bargast soon had the man pinned to the deck
And he opened his jaws to rip out his neck

The Barrister pleased and begged for his life
He spoke of his children and his greaving wife
The Bargast just stared the man deep in the eyes
And said "This World has heard enough of your lies"

"Your children despise you they'll be glad when you go,
Your wife left you three and a half years ago,
You have all the appeal of a three week dead Cod,
And you mistress loves only the size of your wad.

"There's none that will mourn you I bid you farewell
You soul is now forfeit, your place is in Hell,
For justice and mercy you care not one Groat"
And the noble beast ripped out the Barrister's throat

So hear me you Lawyers and learn from my tale
With your nose in the swill and your thumb on the scales
Beware of the Bargast and his sniffling snout
Or be sure that you sins will rip your throat out!