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​This is Not Harry Potter

This song is by Hank Green.

Something just occurred to me while I was reading
Another book that I had heard could be the next big thing
I thought what would I give, if that could be true
If I could ever feel again the way I felt when I read you
I'd pay a million galleons
I'd dress up like I go to Beauxbatons
I'd tattoo my head with a lightning bolt
I'd pawn my wand and Firebolt
But no matter how many good things I'm told
Everything I read turns out to be leprechaun gold

It's been so many years no matter how I try
To read more young adult fiction
I keep coming up dry
It's like water water everywhere and not a drop to drink
My frustration and my agony have pushed me to the brink
I keep tilting back the glass but I never taste the water
It seems no matter what I read I think, "This is not Harry potter."
This is not Harry Potter

I was pretty impressed with Frankie Landau Banks
But compare saving the world with a couple epic pranks
There is no monopoly on non-human people
There's faerie's buggers talking cats and Nac Mac Feegle
And Thirteen Little Blue Envelopes
Was fantastic but my sneakoscope
Would be flashing and spinning if I said
That it was the best book I've read
And you gotta know that this is no joke
When I also read lots of books that my own brother wrote

It's been so many years no matter how I try
To read more young adult fiction
I keep coming up dry
It's like water water everywhere and not a drop to drink
My frustration and my agony have pushed me to the brink
I keep tilting back the glass but I never taste the water
It seems no matter what I read I think, "This is not Harry Potter."
This is not Harry Potter

And in the darkest hours, of my darkest nights
I found myself curled up with Twilight
And I couldn't help but wonder as I ravenously read
Can you Avada Kedavra the undead
Because Edward Cullen totally has it comin'
And if he saw Voldemort then he'd better start runnin'
There's not much that the Dark Lord and I
Could agree on but I think that we would both hate that guy
And Sir Nicholas de Mimsy Porpington
Is a character name that by itself is better than anything in Breaking Dawn

It's been so many years no matter how I try
To read more young adult fiction
I keep coming up dry
And Diagon Alley is cooler than Ankh Mor Pork
And President Snow is no Voldemort
And Lyra Silvertoungue is Mrs. Coulter's Daughter
That's a good plot twist but it is not Harry Potter.
No, it's not Harry Potter!