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​Twydale's Lament

This song is by Half Man Half Biscuit and appears on the album Achtung Bono (2005).

Indicate then you stupid bastard
How was I supposed to know
That you intended to go left
I'm not a mind reader

You shall be cast away into the fiery pit
And in the fiery pit there are
Eternal sleeping policemen

I saw a young professional couple playing Poohsticks on a Cotswold bridge
I watched them walk along the banks of the Windrush eating jasmine ice cream
Before heading north to Warwick Arts Centre and Marianne Faithfull
Splendid

I picked up all the elastic bands dropped by the postman on my driveway
And took them up to the pub on a Thursday evening
As that's where he likes to go for the quiz
He believes he is needed for the music round
His friends obviously humour him
Anyway, I place myself at a nearby table
And whenever he tries to light up a cigarette
I fire it out of his mouth with one of the elastic bands
Which he finds most annoying
Most annoying

Gouranga Gouranga
Yes I'll be happy
When you've been arrested for defacing the bridge
Gouranga Gouranga
Yes I'll be happy
When you've been arrested for defacing the bridge
Gouranga Gouranga
Yes I'll be happy
When you've been arrested for defacing the bridge
Gouranga Gouranga
Yes I'll be happy
When you've been arrested for defacing the bridge
Gouranga Gouranga
Yes I'll be happy
When you've been arrested for defacing the bridge
Gouranga Gouranga
Yes I'll be happy...