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​Bogus Official

This song is by Half Man Half Biscuit and appears on the album Achtung Bono (2005).

I'm the man that you need on the day that it rains
I'm the wiser advisor on capital gains
I'm the lowlife pretending to look at your drains
I'm a bogus official
Don't let me in

I'm the police, I'm the clergy, I'm Measures and Weights
I'm the chap doing the survey on alley gates
I need to know where you'll be on the following dates
'Cause I'm a bogus official
Nice dress

Courteous, friendly, jolly, and fat
With a smile saying, "Look, I know it's under the mat
I don't give a fuck about your missing cat"
B-O-G-U-S official