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Steve Berman (skit)

This song is by Eminem and appears…

As heard on The Marshall Mathers LPEdit

Eminem: Heyyy!
Steve: Hey, Em, what's up?
Eminem: Steve Berman. What's goin' on, man, how you doin? Good to see you again. What's up?
Steve: Em, could you come here and have a seat, please?
Eminem: Umm, yeah, what's...
Steve: Vannessa, shut the door.
Secretary: Okay.
Eminem: So what's up? How's orders looking for the first week?
Steve: It would be better if you gave me nothing at all.
Eminem: Wh-
Steve: This album is less than nothing. I can't sell this fucking record.
Eminem: Wha-
Steve: Do you know what's happening to me out there?
Eminem: Wh-wha-what's the problem?
Steve: Violent Ground told me to go fuck myself!
Eminem: Who's Violent...?
Steve: Tower Records told me to shove this record up my ass! Do you know what it feels like to be told to have a record shoved up your ass?
Eminem: But, I-
Steve: I'm gonna lose my fuckin' job over this. You know why Dre's record was so successful? He's rappin' about big-screen tv's, blunts, 40's and bitches. You're rappin' about homosexuals and Vicadin.
Eminem: I mean-
Steve: I can't sell this shit!
Eminem: What-
Steve: Either change the record or it's not coming out!
Eminem: What, I-
Steve: Now get the fuck out of my office!
Eminem: What am I supposed-
Steve: NOW!
Eminem: Aight man, whatever.

as heard on Devil's Night by D12Edit

[Eminem]Hey Steve, Vanessa said you waned to see me
[Steve]Marshall, I can call you Marshall right?
[Eminem]Uhh, sure.
[Steve]Good. Sit the fuck down for a second
[Eminem]Okay...
[Steve]Do you just fuckin hate me?
[Eminem]Hate you? What--
[Steve]What the fuck have I ever done to you? Your last record, we got lucky. This D12 album is FUCKED!
[Eminem]What's wrong with it?
[Steve]I don't wanna rape my grandmother! I don't wanna have sex with pitbulls! I wanna roll on dubs, I want throw bows, I wanna rock prada!
[Eminem]"Rock prada"?
[Steve]And who the fuck is this Bizarre guy?
[Eminem]What do you mean?
[Steve]Do you need a CAT scan?! Where the fuck did you find this guy?
[Eminem]I mean, I've known him like...
[Steve]This album's never coming out.
[Eminem]Steve, you've only heard one song!
[Steve]Fuck you! Get the fuck outta here! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Eminem]Okay, okay, shit!

As heard on The Eminem ShowEdit

*Door knocks*

Steve Berman:
It's ridiculous, I can't believe it, what?
Hold on a minute.
Em...

Eminem:
Whuddup?

Steve Berman:
Dre, I'll call you back.

Eminem:
What now?

Steve Berman:
I don't even know where to start.

Eminem:
Okay

Steve Berman:
I got the album from upstairs..

Eminem:
And?

Steve Berman:
And this is by far the most...

*Gun shoots*


Steve Berman:
...incredible thing I've ever heard...

As heard on RelapseEdit

(Ring Ring)
Secretary: Mr.Berman?
Steve: What?
Secretary: We have Eminem here to see you.
Steve: About fuckin' time. Send him in.
(Door opens)
Eminem: Steve! Good to see you man. Um,hey I jus-
Steve: Well, look who decided to show his face! I hope you've had fun in the last four years!
Em: Look man, I apologize again for-
Steve: For shooting me?! Do you know I lost the use of my right arm?
Eminem: Again, it was a mistake. It was a terrible mista--- are you wearing a bulletproof vest?
Steve: And then you go and do, what, Hide out? Stay in Detroit for almost 5 years while the music industry melts the fuck down? Do you know how many people lost their jobs because of your fucking vacation?
Eminem: Well, that's actually why I'm here, I was gonna put out some new music and I wanted to play it for you and get your opinion---
Steve: Do I REALLY need to hear it? Let me guess: Another album about "poor me, I'm so famous it has ruined my rich little life and I'm such a tortured artist let me make music about it and my tragic love life." Am I on to something here?
Eminem: C'mon, man! It's not like that!
Steve: You know what? Just hand the fucking thing over! I'm done talking to you! Think you can just come and go as you please, big selfish superstar!
Eminem: Steve, I had a drug problem.
Steve: "Oh, poor me! I had a drug problem!" Who hasn't had a drug problem in this town? You know what?
(Cocks gun, Em: "Woah!")
Just lay this shit down on my desk and get the fuck out!
Eminem: Woah Woah, Jesus Christ man, alright alright, here, fine...
Steve: What's this shit?! TWO cds?!
Eminem: That's what I've been trying to tell you, man. It's two albums.
Steve: Just get out! Get the fuck out!
Eminem: Alright, man. See you later.

Written by:

Marshall Mathers

External links