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​Tommy The Canexican

This song is by Eddie From Ohio and appears on the album Quick (2001) and on the live album Three Rooms (2003).

Tommy the Canexican
Vancouver-dwelling Mexican
Staying with his next of kin
And writing those bad checks again
Old Hudson, he protects his men
But makes them scrub those decks again
A mad first mate stands next to him
It's Tommy the Canexican

Traveling round with his moose and donkey
He's part Third World with a twist of honkey
A dashing mix, but don't get him wrong 'cause he's
Tommy the Canexican

He likes hockey and he likes soccer
He thinks real slow, but a really fast talker
Selena's long gone, but Celine needs a stalker
Like Tommy the Canexican

Got a brother Jose, another named Darryl
One wears a poncho, the other warm apparel
Both sing a Spanish "Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald"
For Tommy the Canexican

One likes Dos Equis, the other likes Molsons
One liked Nader, the other Pat Paulson
Both have a crush on those twins called the Olsons
Must be 'cause they're Canexican

Tommy the Canexican
Vancouver-dwelling Mexican
Staying with his next of kin
And writing those bad checks again
Ferrigno showed his pecs to win
Imagine if he flexed at him
The Yukon becomes Texas when
There's Tommy the Canexican

He eats tacos and he eats bacon
Five degrees removed from actor Kevin Bacon
He's got seven sisters but all of them are taken
By Tommy the Canexican

He's got no trouble goin' north of the border
But crossin to the South he needs a court order
A foosball table, anybody got a quarter?
Ask Tommy the Canexican

Tommy the Canexican
Vancouver-dwelling Mexican
Buys his old dog, Rex, a gin
But a good canine rejects a sin
A fat man goes off dexatrim
And gets a bad complex again
He might squeeze in his Lexus and
There's Tommy the Canexican

He fronts a 5 piece from North of Seattle
Stuffed 'em in a van and drove 'em like cattle
Outside Toronto, they heard something rattle
So they rented a VW Vanagon

He likes girl drinks with a garnish and umbrella
He'll cut himself off when he turns greenish-yella
He'll pass you the check, what a really swell fella
That Tommy the Canexican

Tommy the Canexican
Vancouver-dwelling Mexican
The Great White North- the next heaven
To Tommy the Canexican

A cute little brown canuk singing sensation
Really stands out in the church congregation
Confuses the hell out of U.S. Immigration
Just 'cause he's Canexican

His family up North have snow that's the truest
His family down South have skies that are bluest
They'd be a lot closer if it t'weren't for the U.S.
Poor Tommy the Canexican

Canada's dollar is droppin' real low
But it's still doin' better than the old peso
If Menudo ever sang with B.T.O
Then Tommy'd be in heaven