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At My Best

This song is by Deathboy and appears on the album ToRights (2008).

I'm getting paranoid again,
I'm reconfiguring
These nights,
When I try to decompress
I get lonely

It's not like you give a fuck if I'm ok
It's not like you ever knew me anyway
And I don't know why I even care
Every time I see you sitting there

Can't seem to fucking think of any words
A head full of verbs
None of which appropriate

You only seem to see me when I'm at my worst
A low-grade parasite
Bivalve of approbium

You never see me at my best
I'm always drunk, trying to impress
Apologise for the time we last met
Playing catch-up in an infinite regress

I try to show you that I'm not what you think
Knocking back my problems with another fucking drink
And every chance I ever fucking had of proving otherwise
I self-sabotage, I auto-demonize

It's like a fairytale
Sprinkle me with alcohol
I try to crush the paranoids with paracetamol

I live between the words
We dress up like we know them all
I am another demographic of the demerol

If I was you
And you were me
Well, I wouldn't blame you
For the things you fucking see

One, two, I'm not like you
Three, four, and I need some more
Five, six, analyse these tricks
Seven, eight, never procreate

One, two, gonna push right through
Three, four, on the cold, hard floor
Five, six, with a tough remix
Seven, eight, learn to hide your fucking hate

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