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​Sofa King

This song is by Danger Doom and appears on the album The Mouse and the Mask (2005).

Original video
Please, read from sheets. I am...
(I am...)
...sofa king.
(...sofa king.)

Scared of a bunch of water, then get out the rain
Order a rapper for lunch and spit out the chain
Then kick a lungee of the tip of his Timbo
Trick a honey dip into a game of of strip limbo

Odd, he couldn't find no remorse
A wink is as good as a nod to a blind horse
Of course his technique was from a divine source
Never knew the price of ice or what swine cost

One guy tried to bite the heat
That's when he discovered the other other white meat
Oh, the one they hate so well
He sure keeps it psycho like the old Bates Motel

They came to ask him for at least some new tracks
But only got confronted by the beast with two backs
Knock, Mouse is a made man
Villain laid it down like the best laid plan

Bell The Cat who the hell is that near the middle
Got y'all but it's not all beer and skittles
Prepare the vittles, got riddles and spittles
Crystal clear to the jot or the tittle
TSSST! It's hot off the griddle
Came to take the cake whether it's a lot or a little

Kaboom, DOOM is nervous large
You could tell by his blooming room service charge
Dark and tall to boot
The only thing was wrong was he was bald as a coot

Used to rent a van from Peter Pan to red and tan
And keep the human foot for his dead man's hand
This was when the mask was brand spanking new
Before it got rusted from dranking all the brew

Stankin' too, pew
Kept all his earnings in the bank and a shoe
Spat what he knew, energy for true
To all fake rappers, twenty-three skidoo

Excuse you, any room in the class front?
For a blast of the blunt, shrooming since last month
Doom a human in the mask, born to stunt
Danger zooming past mad fast on the hunt

Keep your streets, we got the city neatly conquered
Discreetly with a CD till they be completely bonkered
The fans demanded it, handled it, swallow it
His own brand of sh*t, if only he could bottle it

Hmm, nah she could get messy
Feds tried to torture him for the secret recipe
He said: It's no use, I only know half
No speake de english. I only do the math

Zzzzzt, felt no pain
His brain was saturated with cocaine and Rogaine
He said, "Try scan no thing three-card dead fly man
Go for bling he got bled
I jam over sting, see spots red
I am Sofa King, We Todd Ed"

(...we todd ed.)
Now, repeat all very fast, please.
(I am sofa king...)
Faster.
(I am sofa king we todd ed.)
No, no, not so fast. Loses meaning.
(I am sofa king we todd ed.)
Hoohoohoohoo-hoohoo-hoo, you say funny thing

Written by:

Brian Burton / Daniel Dumile

annotations:

Timbo Wikipedia16 / psycho Wikipedia16 / shrooming Wikipedia16 / Rogaine Wikipedia16