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The BK Lounge

This song is by Dane Cook and appears on the album Harmful If Swallowed (2003).

So many crappy- the first job I had, right. The first job when I was uh
17 uh was Burger King. That was the first job that I had, all right.
I didn't want to call it Burger King either cause like yanno.
So I used to call it the BK Lounge. If the girls were like...
Where do you work?..I was like I work down at the BK Lounge.
I'm a bouncer at the BK Lounge... Can we get in?
Not without coups. Not without coups baby.
So I get the job because my one older brother, my older brother Darrell.
He's the manager and I'm like this is gonna be awesome 'cause my bro,
Manager hooked me up... He was a dick!
He thought he was THE Burger King! You know what I'm saying?
He sucked! He would put me on drive through every single night.

Why to this day do people insist on yelling at the drive through?
It's modern technology. I'd have my little headset.
Welcome to Burger King. May I please take your order?
Excuse me, I'm fucking bleeding from the ears here ok?
Let's turn the main down a tad, ok skidrow?
Large fry mothafucka! I can't hear you burger king!
Are you ready to rock bk broiler?

I would rather have had people yell,
It was when people didn't talk loud enough. That drove me CRAZY.
I'd have like 10 cars out there and I'd be like Hi Mam
May I please take your order?
*Mumbles* some pickles, no no no cheese, uh extra cheese, pickles
What do you want? What do you want?
*Mumbles* bun seeds, no bun seeds
What do you want?... no no no no yes no cheese, extra pickles
*Mumbles* how much? eh cheese
Mam I can't-hello?...pickle, extra pickles, cheese, bun seeds,
And pickles all my pickles and some extra pickly pickles, cheese, pickles
OK are you trying to molest me via drive through. What are you saying?
Chicken tenders. Sweet and sour sauce on my pussy!
Drive around get some sauce drive around mam
SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE she want's it her way. That's our motto.
It's- come on sauce!

I took I took a lady's order one time. I'll never forget this.
I go like this... Mam. That'll be $3.75. Please drive around.
And then there's like this long pause and then she goes...
Where do I go? ...Where do you go?!
You follow the one fucking road you're on to me!
Where do you Ok mam you're gonna go to the Texaco station.
Take a right. Go 5 and a half miles southeast.
You're gonna see a guy in a yellow poncho. His name is Hank.
He'll take you to the whopper Lair. That's where you go.
And you've got 10 minutes to get there or we take your food!

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