FANDOM

1,928,032 Pages

StarIconGreen
LangIcon
​So Dumb (Homer's Lament)

This song is by Dan Castellaneta and appears on the album I Am Not Homer (2002).

Curt:
All right, Homer, studio's all yours.

Homer:
Thanks, Curt.

(Cymbals are heard crashing)

Grampa:
Why did you take me out of the home? What is this place?

Homer:
It's a recording studio, Dad. I want you to sing on my record.

Groundskeeper Willie:
Don't play with those!

Barney:
I'm not playin', I fell backwards.

Groundskeeper Willie:
Oh, sorry.

Barney:
Uh-oh, some rock musician puked in here last night!

Grampa:
Ewww!

Groundskeeper Willie:
I'm not cleanin' it up.

Barney:
(Sniffs) Wait, it's mine.

Homer:
Barney!

Krusty:
Hey, what's goin' on here?

Homer:
Oh, hi, Krusty. We're laying in the background vocals of my hit song.

Krusty:
Hey, I'm s'posed to have this studio to record my new doll, Talking Krusty.

Homer:
Oh, I'm sorry, Krusty, but we do have the studio from 8:05 to 8:10.

Groundskeeper Willie:
That's right, clown.

Krusty:
All right. I'm gonna be across the street banking a few business transactions and I'll be back. And once I'm here, you're outta here.

Homer:
Okay, we better hurry up, guys. Now, let's hear your parts.

(Everyone sings in imperfect harmony)

Homer:
Good... good... all right, well, when I put a reverb on it, it'll sound great. Hey, Barney, what are you doin'?

Barney:
Settin' up my tape recorder.

Homer:
What for?

Barney:
I'm gonna record this session.

Homer:
What?

Barney:
Yeah, I'm gonna bootleg the record.

Groundskeeper Willie:
Bootleg?

Homer:
No bootlegging!

Barney:
But-

Homer:
Turn it off!

Barney:
But, Ho-

Homer:
Turn it off!

Barney:
All right.

Homer:
All right, now. I'm gonna go in the booth and when you guys hear the bass dealey, you start singing.

Barney:
Okay, Homer.

Groundskeeper Willie:
All right, I understand.

Grampa:
What're we supposed to do?

Groundskeeper Willie:
Quiet.

Homer:
Okay, where's it? Oh, here it is. This is "So Dumb: Background Vocals, Take One."

(Bass plays and the boys start to sing)

Grampa, Barney, and Willie:
Ah...
Ah...

Homer:
The nuclear plant
Is the reason I can't
Make a baby with Marge anymore.

The reason I'm fat,
So they tell me, is that
I eat eight meals instead of just four.

Old because my children
Are loud and burdensome.

But somehow my brain's
At a loss to explain
The reason I've gotten so dumb.

Maybe it's beer
Ev'ry day of the year
That is killing the cells in my brain.

Grampa, Barney, and Willie:
Ooh-wah-ah

Homer:
And if that is true,
Then what else can I do
If it's beer that is really to blame?

Grampa, Barney, and Willie:
Ooh-wah-ah

Homer:
I have to stop beer drinking
And switch to gin or rum.

But if I'm to choose,
Forget brains! I'll take booze!
Tell me how have I gotten...

Homer, Grampa, Barney, and Willie:
So dumb!

Grampa:
Don't be so glum
About being dumb.

Homer:
My father told me once.

Grampa:
Son, it's okay,
Go out and play
With all the other runts.

You are just fine.
I really don't mind
All your stupid stunts.

Just wear a hat,
Your pointy hat
Indicating you're a dunce!

(Grampa, Barney and Willie vocalize)

Homer:
I am so stupid!...I said, "I am so stupid!"...You're supposed to say, "How stupid am I?"...I'll wait... Did you say, "How stupid are you?"...I am so stupid that if I ever had a... Whenever I would...D'OH!

I have to say, "D'oh!"
'Cause I really don't know
Who my congressman is to this day.

Hate that it's sad,
But, hey, it's not so bad,
'Cause I really don't vote anyway.

I can't think of the lyrics.
I guess I'll have to hum.

La da dee da da da
I forgot to wear pants
Tell me da da da dee dee...

Homer, Grampa, Barney, and Willie:
So dumb!

Homer:
My kids are all smart,
Maggie, Lisa and Bart
And the dog and the cat laugh at me.

Well, they really don't laugh.
I just made that part up.
So forget what I said. Nevermind.

Now what was I just singing?
I know it rhymes with "dumb".

Was it crumb, was it bum,
Or about bubblegum?
I forgot. Now sometimes I'm...

Homer, Grampa, Barney, and Willie:
So dumb!

Grampa, Barney, and Willie:
Eat donuts, eat donuts,
Eat donuts, eat donuts, etc.

La, la la, la, la, la
La, la la, la la, etc.

Krusty:
All right, I'm back from the entre letting place. Are you finished?

Homer:
I'm almost finished, Krusty. Gonna fade out right here.

Krusty:
Well, hurry up, I haven't got all day!

Homer:
(Trying to get Willie, Grampa and Barney's attentions) Okay, guys, that's enough! Wait a minute! How come they can't hear me?

Krusty:
Press the talkback button.

Homer:
Which one is it?

Krusty:
Do I look like an engineer?

Homer:
I'll try this one. Guys, guys!

Krusty:
Try that button.

Homer:
Guys! Guys, can you hear me? How about this button?

Krusty:
No, that's not workin', they can't hear ya. Hey! Hello!

Homer:
What does this knob do?

Krusty:
You mean the one that says, "Don't Touch"?! Don't touch it!

(Too late because the tape starts speeding up)

Homer:
What happens if I do? It-Wait a minute! Stop it! Stop the tape machine!

Krusty:
I dunno how to stop it!

Homer:
It's eating up the tape! Oh!

(Willie, Grampa, and Barney are still singing)

Guys... Guys! I just ruined the tape!

Barney:
Homer's wavin' at us! What is it, Homer? Quiet, guys!

Groundskeeper Willie:
Quiet, guys! Shut it!

(They stop singing)

Grampa:
What th-?

Barney:
What's wrong, Homer?

Grampa:
What's going on?

Groundskeeper Willie:
What's wrong?

Homer:
Oh, Barney, I ruined the tape. (everyone groans) The machine ate up all the tape.

Groundskeeper Willie:
Well, that's it for me.

Barney:
Don't worry, Homer.

Grampa:
I could've been home watching Matlock.

Homer:
Why?

Barney:
Cause I never turned off my tape recorder. I have it all on my own tape recorder!

Groundskeeper Willie:
Ach! He's right!

Homer:
Oh, Barney, thank goodness for you!

Groundskeeper Willie:
Thank goodness for you!

Homer:
Sometimes I'm so dumb!

Grampa:
You got that right!

Barney:
Aw, Homer, you're not dumb. You wrote the song, didn't ya?

Homer:
Yeah.

Barney:
And you got a record company to release it.

Groundskeeper Willie:
That's right.

Homer:
Hey, you're right.

Barney:
And you're gonna get a lot of royalties from it.

Homer:
Royalties?

Barney:
You know, money. Homer?

(Pause)

Homer:
D'ooh!

Grampa:
I'm gonna take a nap.