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This song is by Dan Bull and appears on the album Generation Gaming VIII (2015).

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Good to meet you, cordial greetings, they call me Gordon Freeman
And up until this morning I was an ordinary normal human
Eating and reading the ingredients on a box of cereals
Then heading off to the Office of Anomalous Materials
Realise I'm late so I'll have to catch you later
Gotta catch a train to Black Mesa's anti-mass chamber
Put on my hazmat in case the vat breaks 'cause that's dangerous
You'd have to evade the blast radius of a resonance cascade that's
The last stage of, ah, ah, it's, it's actually, it's actually happening
Th-this is not good! This is, shit

Wake up in the chamber with a bad head, everybody in the lab dead
I better had fled, this is dead rad, get it? Dead rad, hit a headcrab
With a crowbar, I'm a lonestar, yo, guard, gotta go, but I'll owe you a postcard
Oh darn, life is so hard, with no halves, let alone half, like a diet with low carbs
But I like it so far, life now has a worth and a purpose
Find out what on earth is occurring, wipe out any vermin that's stirring
Fly now to the surface and hurry, there's a person that's lurking, queer
Think I've seen him working here
Gee, man, I'm not really certain what he's observing
But I'm going to persevere, though I'm merely an engineer
I'll end your career


Damn, everybody's after me, guess that's the way it has to be
From Black Ops to G-Man and all these dastardly
Bastard beings, masked marines, I'm blasting things with SPAS-12s
Then take a break to recharge my shield and grab health
Electric impulses convulse with the most violent sound
Sending houndeyes to the pound, firing rounds
Sliding round mines, if life has half a meaning, well I've found mine
Bouncing through the sky so high that I'm on cloud nine
Low gravity provides some downtime to hit the ground
I am bringing down giants as if they're fricking houseflies
Hitch a ride inside a monorail car, swinging off a tentacle like ah
I get in the ring with anybody, man, who's on next?
I'll wreck you, trekking from the land of Xen to Lambda Complex
Hang on one sec, I think I've got the wrong specs
That baby looks gargantuan, these lenses can't be convex
Imagine the conception; that must have been some sex
Not to mention giving birth to it; how much can bums stretch?
But enough talk of proportions and awkward contortions
To pull the portal shut calls for the goriest abortion (Too far)


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