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One Thing Real

This song is by Dan Bern and appears on the album Fifty Eggs (1998) and on the album Smartie Mine (1999).

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I come down the steps
I slip on the ice
Santa Claus been lookin'
Who's been naughty, who's been nice

I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight

And Jesus, he comes up to me
Jesus, he sits down
He says, "Take this fuckin' cross off my back
I'm goin' downtown."

I say, "Aw, but ain't that your uniform?"
He offers me a toke
Says 2000 years is long enough
For this particular joke

He says, "I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight."

And I'm up here singin'
These songs every night
Sometimes I wanna just make 'em all
Up on the spot

Maybe they wouldn't rhyme too good
And they might not make sense
But then at least I wouldn't be
Repeating myself

I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight

And you're the one I've chosen
And I guess you've chosen me
Let's turn off the commercials
Let's turn off the TV

How well can we get to know
Each other in an hour
We can fight the daylight
We have that power

I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight

And Van Gogh sits next to me
With a bucketful of paste
He rips off my ear and says,
"Glue this to my face."

I'd like to leave America
For someplace where they would
Not know a word of English
And I might be understood

I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight

Written by:

Dan Bern

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