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​*69

This song is by Christine Lavin and appears on the album Please Don't Make Me Too Happy (1995).

It used to be so easy
To use the telephone
You'd pick it and dial
They'd answer if they were home
Then the answering machine
Helped us cut the cord
Now callers could be screened
Or better yet, ignored

Then came call waiting
We don't let that upset us
Thought I have come to call call waiting
'Chattus interruptus'
But there's a brand new service
Called *69
It redials the last person who called you
And puts them back on the line

There's call forwarding
There's beepers
Call conferencing and such
A panalopy of choices
Sometimes it's all too much

You see, there was a sweet young girl
So trusting, so naive
You could tell her anything
And she would believe
She met a computer repairman
His name was Jim
And it was just a matter of time
Before she truly cared for him

Though he criss-crossed the country
He'd see her when'er he could
She grew to love him deeply
Thought him kind, thought him good
But there was one thing about him
She considered a minor quirk
He said he had no home phone
She must contact him at work

And it was his beeper number
He instructed her to dial
He'd always call her back so fast
His haste would make her smile
They carried on for months like this
Until one rainy day
She called him on the beeper
He did not call back right away

But when he did she heard background noises
That made her suspicious
Was that babies crying?
Was that someone doing dishes?
When they hung up she sat and pondered
For quite some time
Then with shaky hand
She dialed *69

A woman answered the telephone
The young girl asked for Jim
Then quickly added 'Who is this?'
The woman said 'I'm married to him'
The conversation that followed
Was the kind that men most dread
The young girl told the wife everything
Her husband ever said

Or ever did, or bought, or promised her
Then the wife had her say, too
About their three young children
How her income pulled them through
They talked and cried, talked and laughed
Now you could say he's in a bind
All because the phone company has given us
*69

Modern conveniences can help you
But they can backfire
If you are the kind of person
Who is a liar

In this global village
It's best to tell the truth
And beware if someone's courting you
From a telephone booth

Yes, in this global village
Take this as a sign
Remember that repairman
And *69