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No Substitute

This song is by Chef and appears on the television soundtrack Chef Aid: The South Park Album (1998).

You know Kathie Lee, you are a very special woman
I don't mean special in a Mary Tyler-Moore way
Or an extra-value meal at Happy Burger way
No, I mean special
Like the song of the hummingbird as it gets ready to find that female hummingbird
And make sweet love to it all night long
Just two hummingbirds moanin' and groanin'
And letting their bodies caress and touch each other in ecstasy
Slowly, the male hummingbird gets behind the female hummingbird
And eases his way into her golden valley
Gliding gently in and out, in and out, ooh, in and out
Two hummingbirds doin' it doggy-style all night long
Until finally the male hummingbird screams with passion
And lets his little humminggravy fly all over the nest
And it makes me wanna
It makes me wanna sing this special song for you
Yeah, baby, yeah mama

Ooh Kathie Lee, you're such a special woman to me
How I'd love to lay you down
And lick every inch of your body
With my tongue
Kathie Lee, you're my sexual fantasy
How 'bout you and me
Get it together and make sweet love

'Cause nobody can take your place
No way they can match your face
No, you got it goin' on in a way so clear
I just wanna buy you a beer

I thought maybe tonight at seven-thirty or somethin', I could come by and
Pick you up in my car
(No substitute) No substitute for you
(No substitute)
No baby, there's (no substitute) for you girl
(No substitute) for you now

I know you love my body so much
It's something you can't help but touch, ooh
I might let you if you promise to be gentle
Now I'm gettin' all sentimental

Maybe tonight after pickin' you up in my car
We can park down over by the gas station that closed two weeks ago and make love in the back seat and
Drop you off at home
(No substitute) No substitute for you
(No substitute) No baby there's
(No substitute) Come on baby say it
(No substitute) For you now

Now you remember our two hummingbirds
Well, after their night of passion
The male hummingbird couldn't sleep or eat
All he could think about was that incredible night
When feathers were flyin' all over the place
And beaks were where they shouldn't be
So he puts his beak lips together and whistles a song
Calling that female hummingbird back for another night of fire
Just like I'm calling out for you, baby
Hey, get your ass over here for some good lovin'

There's only one word that can describe you
You're a flippity-floppity-hotchy-mama-woowoo
You've got everything I ever wanted
My metaphor's all been exhausted
So what say you and I forget about this singin' and songin'
And act like a couple of hummingbirds ourselves
And get down to some business

(No substitute) No substitute for you
(No, no, no substitute)
No baby there's (no substitute) for you girl
(No substitute) for you
(No, no, no, no, no substitute) for you girl

Ladies and gentlemen, the fabulous Chefettes

(No) no (no) subs (subs) sti (tute) for (you)
Ba (by) no (no) no no no (no) for you yeah
(No substitute) No substitute
(No substitute) For you Kathie Lee, yeah

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