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​Shoppers' Paradise

This song is by Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine and appears on the album 30 Something (1991) and on the compilation You Fat Bastard (2007).

(Elevator goin' up)

Ground floor, shoppers' paradise
Haberdashery, needles, spoons, and knives
Knuckle-dusters, glass jaws and wooden hearts

Spend your money, girls, on sprays and lipsticks
Tested on bunnies, girls, strays, and misfits
Ozone-friendly rape alarms for those blinding dates
Another summer of hate

It's the top shop for the tired and rundown
Going up for the final comedown
First and second floors, third and fourth world wars

We've got a free pair of flares with every hip replacement
Just take the stairs to the bargain basement
Babies bottles full of the milk of humankind nestle

Ladies and gentlemen
Boys and girls
The big shop is open
It's a wonderful world

Top floor, shoppers' paradise
We've got a drunk Father Christmas and The Antichrist
There's nothing of value so there's no V.A.T.
We're going S.H.O.P.P.I.N.G.

We take Visa, Access, American Express
Patched-up, hand-me-down, second to next best
Clothes for all ages, mothers and babies

Ladies and gentlemen
Boys and girls
The big shop is open
It's a wonderful world

Ladies and gentlemen
Boys and girls
The big shop is open
It's a wonderful world

Going down for all the things you missed
All the love, peace, and happiness that don't exist
We've got encylopaedias, we've got pic 'n' fix
A government freezer full of benefits

A children's assortment, we're bigger than Hanley's
We've got Cabbage Patch orphans from Sylvanian Families
Carpets, linoleum, holy petroleum
Chemi-kaze killers, little Hitlers and Napoleons

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls
The big shop is open and the world is
Wonderful
Wonderful
Wonderful
Wonderful