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This song is by Captainskalet.

Won't you ever give up masturbation?
Don't you know that it won't help your situation?
Spend your days inside indulging in some wanking
Save it for a rainy day, why don't you come out skanking with us?

'Cause you're a failure
And everybody hates you!

I heard one day you had to go and see the matron
Ooh that's nasty - colonic irrigation?
You caught her getting dust from the teacher's eye
You'd walked in on them shagging you didn't realise why all that noise!

They were making babies
You're hated more than rabies!

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