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This song is by Bruce McCulloch and appears on the album Shame-Based Man (1995).

On the street, maybe a bookstore, someone bumps into someone playfully.

Woman: (laughing)

Man: You again!

Woman: Are you following me?

Man: Why, no, I'm stalking you.

Woman: (laughing) Oh! (laughing) Oh, really?

Man: Yeah.

Woman: The neighbors have been saying there was a man with a slightly-crazed yet focused demeanor standing for a long time in my hedge, neck pivoted to my window.

Man: Yep. That's me!

Woman: (laughing) Well, good. Great.

Man: Great.

Woman: Well, it's good to finally meet you.

Man: Nice to finally meet you.

Woman: So... How ya been?

Man: Oh, pretty good. Same old same-old.

Woman: I, uh, guess you're not gonna ask me how I've been.

Man: 'Cause...

Woman: 'Cause you've been watching me.

Man: ...I've been watching you, yeah. A lot.

Woman: Right. So what'cha been up to?

Man: Oh, you know, not too much. The stalking keeps me pretty busy.

Woman: Huh.

Man: And, actually, I've got a bit of a cold right now 'cause it's really lousy weather for... stalking.

Woman: Can I ask you one question?

Man: Shoot.

Woman: Why are you stalking me?

Man: Because you are the One. You are the unspoiled virgin bride. You are the blonde canvas on which I will paint my future... Don't you remember, you smiled at me once in the Croissant Tree? We never spoke. We didn't have to. You chose me. Now I stand outside your window, waiting. I stand there and, when you go to sleep, I become calm. I can feel my heartbeat slow down... and beat... just... like... yours.

Woman: Oh!

Man: Yeah, it's...

Woman: (laughing) I can...

Man: Yeah, uh...

Woman: Perfectly clear...

Man: Yeah, anyway... Well...

Woman: See ya!

Man: Happy shopping!

Woman: Oh, thanks. And happy stalking!

Man: Thanks. Nice bumping into you...

Woman: See you around.

Man: Yeah. Hey, you changed your answering machine code, eh?

Woman: My co... My code? Yeah.

Man: Yeah.

Woman: I... I have to get going now.

Man: Oh. Okay. Sure.

Woman: 'Cause someone's waiting...

Man: Cool. Cool. Nice meeting you... That went well. Hmm.

Music by:

Bob Wiseman

Lyrics by:

Bruce McCulloch

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