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If I Owned A Midget

This song is by Benefit.

Life's got me mad, but if I had a midget I'd be glad
To watch him jump around on my nintendo power pad
He'd have a big head, short legs and long torso
The name that I'd give my pet midget is little gordo
I'd teach him tricks like back flips and side kicks
When company came over he'd preform and get tips

While I'm eatin' at night
In the kitchen he'd be able
To get the food scraps that I threw under the table
If my midget was ever bad
And acted enraged
Then I'd take him to the bathroom
And put him in his cage
But if he kept actin' up and really made me sick
I'd hang him upside down
And poke him with a stick
Little Gordo
Would be good, mosta the time though
He'd like to wear a helmet and run around yelling "hiyo"

I'd take I'm for walks in the park on the weekends
And if he saw other midgets he'd say "can we be friends?"
He'd only need a 3 foot coffin when he was dead
And he be in the guinnus book for the worlds biggest head
What a funny little fellow
But don't call him a shrimp
Or he'll attack your legs
'Cause gordo's a tough gimp!

He'd have a pogo ball that he'd bouce on for hours
And dirty little fat head gordo wouldn't take showers
When halloween came
He wouldn't be a chump
Gettin' all the candy goin' around as a tree stump

(Like a midget at a urinal... I'm gonna have to stay on my toes)

Sometimes my friends would chase gorod with a gun
It'd be fun
Because midgets wobble when they run
They're so close to the ground
And so easy to kick
They're so slow in the head
And so easy to trick

Gordo could do summersaults
His special thing
At the fair I would make him enter mud wrestling
Sometimes he wears stilts
And pretend to be tall
So I'd kick him over
And then I'd laugh at him fall

Silly little gordo
Just be yourself
I'd put wood on his head
And he'd just be a shelf
He'd do funny little dances
But that's irrelivent
At the beach gordo got attacked by pelicans
He had a girlfriend once
But she was an oger
It didn't last long 'cause he couldn't fuck her sober
Gordo had a problem
Gordo wet the bed
So I'd make him wear diapers on his ass and his head
He'd have to clean up his own cage himself
And if he lost a little weight he'd be a keibbler elf
He'd really be somthin'
My mangled little munchkin
Plus his head would be larger
Than any big pumpkin
This perfect little fool would make a perfect foot stool
Sometimes I'd kick him in the head and say "BITCH BE COOL"
I'd have a great life
I'd be happy I know
If I only owned a pet midget named gordo

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