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This song is by Ben Folds Five and appears on the album The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner (1999) and on the expanded edition of the album The Best Imitation of Myself: A Retrospective (2011) by Ben Folds.

This song has been covered by Ben Folds under the title "Army".
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Well, I thought about the army
Dad said, "Son, you're fucking high"
And I thought, "Yeah, there's a first for everything"
So I took my old man's advice
Three sad semesters
It was only 15 grand
Spent in bed, I thought about the army
I dropped out and joined a band instead

Grew a mustache and a mullet
Got a job at Chick-Fil-A
Citing artistic differences
The band broke up in May
And in June reformed without me
And they got a different name
I nuked another Grandma's apple pie
And hung my head in shame, no

Been thinking a lot today
Been thinking a lot today

Oh, think I'll write a screenplay
Oh, think I'll take you to L.A.
Oh, think I'll get it done yesterday
Aw, shit

In this time of introspection
On the eve of my election
I say to my reflection
"God, please spare me more rejection"
'Cause my peers, they criticize me
And my ex-wives all despise me
Try to put it all behind me
But my redneck past is nipping at my heels

Thinking a lot today
Been thinking a lot today
Been thinking a lot today
I thought about the army


Written by:

Ben Folds

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