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Bowling Suite

This song is by Art Rush and appears on the album Top Ryde (2009).


-Are his feelings
You've got to spare his feelings
Shane gave his all
Lost control of the ball
It went into the ceiling
We heard it roll around
Please fellow gentlemen
Do not appear amused
For he's a rather simple man
We've got to spare his feelings
We've got to spare his feelings

She was some random chick
That my friend was going out with at the time
One of her friends lost her phone
In the aisle next to mine
She said to me, you stole it
She would not leave me alone
She said to me, you stole my ph-

I can hear a bandsaw in the distance
I volunteer for a community group
I take Steve out for his outings
I am his friend
I give him something to do


My Dad was born in Spain
So I have a European passport
I explained this to Steve
On the bus the other day

I've taken him today to bowl
The computer above us is set up for two
Teenagers are everywhere
Giving us compassionate stares

And then it all goes disco at 6pm
And Steve starts to dance
And then it all goes disco at 6pm
And Steve star-

Sally was an old hand at getting them organised
Her and I supervised bowling
Every Thursday afternoon
We'd haul the girls in the back of the bus
She'd give them the usual speech about how they're representing the school
She'd threaten them with Saturday detention
Even though there's no such thing
It always seems to work
We'd sit at a vantage point
With tea and wedges
And watch the girls bowl
And Sally would tell me about her life
And occasionally we'd have to break up fights
Like Miss she told me that I look -

I co-hosted a show on 2RRR for about two years and in this time I learnt a lot about the community radio experience
A memo went around the 2RRR mailing list
Said we're three hundred bucks under budget this year
Let's have a good time, call it a station event
'Cause it's gonna disappear
If it ain't gettin' spent
Now Reid was hung over so it was just me and Abe
And two other guys whose names I can't remember
We decided to go bowling so we packed into his little car and went to the bowling alley in Fox Studios
But they were closed
Well actually they were just full
We hadn't thought to book a lane
So we drove to Top Ryde to go bowling there instead
And Abe said that you only go to Top Ryde either to roll old ladies, or to bowl
Anyway we got there and they were full too
'Cause we hadn't thought to book again
And we had nothing to do
So we drove to Macquarie
And went to the movies
And saw My Super Ex-Girlfriend

He had the ball in his hand
He never let go
He went to swing and he forgot to let go
He slid all the way down the lane
He slid all the way down the lane

Don't sleep in an alley
If you're not willing to get bowled

"What about it?"

The sound of an owl
In the public school grounds
The feeling that you should really
Get out of the house
That somewhere on the CityRail map
You'll find your higher purpose
A purpose you could be serving right now
If you knew what it was
The first girl you can ever remember talking to
A website you read one night
About abandoned buildings
Power plants, humming and burning
The sound of pins in the distance
A spare room full of arcade games
Flashing and burning and begging for credits
But it's the middle of the night
And no one is around
And now the owl asks himself
What role, the bowling alley?

I saw you holding hands between periods 3 and 4
I felt my heartbeat walkin' out the door
See I know that you been seein some other guy
And that's all right
'Cause I don't even know your name
But it's tricky keeping sane in Year 8
At an all-boys school
So I'm a sucker for a pretty face
And I'm sure that once we get a taste of each other
There'll be no other lover for you and I

I got a crush on a Riverside girl
I see her once a week
I signed away my Thursday afternoon
For this very purpose
So I can catch a glimpse of my Riverside girl

Now I never had a girl before
So I'm not sure
How to treat a lady right
But how hard can it be?
I seen a lotta movies
I took a lotta notes
I wanna get into your castle
And swim around your moat
For I have observed
That the c-

I clean the alleys

-Urve of your back as you bowl
Is truly something to behold
There are three lanes between our respective schools
My unsophisticated classmates act like tools
I must apologise for their unseemly conduct
And I assure you that they don't rub off on me
So just give me a chance and you'll never need another lover
Maybe next Thursday we'll talk to each other

I got a crush on a Riverside girl
I see her once a week
I signed away my Thursday afternoon
For this very purpose
So I can catch a glimpse of my Riverside -

- Girl in his life
Cause there's nothing sexy about reading the novelization of Terminator 3-
Letter code on the overhead computer reading SHN, SHN
His turn comes up once in six
He carefully bookmarks
And rolls another gutterba-

This happened to me a long time ago but
Y'know, here it is
For whatever it's worth
A cautionary tale
Cautionary, cautionary, c-

I remove discarded drinks

-Autionary, cautionary...
When I was 15
I went bowling with this Christian youth group
Not that I was Christian
I just went to see this girl

Every Friday we would socialise
Went bowling that particular night
We were so immature
We'd hug and make out all the time

We kissed between turns
And when they bought us AMF-branded hot dogs
We cuddled and kissed between bites
And they said

For Christ's sake
Even while you're eating
Give it a break
Once in a while

For Christ's sake
Even while you're eating
Give it a -

I clean skids along the floorboards
In the middle of the night

Sometimes I see pairs of eyes
At the far end of the lane
Hands emerging from the ball buffer
A finger reaching from a drain

In the middle of the night

- Break
Once in a -

During the day I distribute shoes
I see all kinds of kids
I see all kinds of moods
I see -

The expression on my face
When I see what's on his plate
I'd never seen ribs before
Is that even food
That some kid ordered at the party

His mom got divorced
But the kids still call her
By her old last name
I guess they don't know any better

Get it right in your mind
This ain't the Flinstones
It's fuckin' Top Ryde

Get it right in your mind
Top what Top Ryde
Top world wide pride

If you try to bowl me
I will smash the cunt
And if y-

(Chloe sings to Michael)

Think of the myriad of circumstances
That have brought us
To this particular place
At this particular time

Hillsbus are our chauffers
It's nice to get out of the Hills
Don't you agree
Don't you agree

The couples that never argue
Break up the fastest
And everyone says, they were so happy
So I'm glad that we fight
Every now and again
Every now and again
Every now and again

I have dreams about you
Double decker snowglobes running down the road
I'm gonna kick your ass tonight
I've been bowling since I was five, Mike
Beware my skills

(Michael sings to another Michael)

When I was a kid
We'd go bowling every once in a while
And the thing I loved the most
Was the smooth surfaces
And the smooth shoes
Where I'd try to impersonate you
I'd try to impersonate you

There's a bookstore near the disembodied feet
And they are neighbours with a half-cut ball
Six feet above your actual feet

Lord God Almighty on bended knee
Talking to the man from Cobbitty
Said I'mma get busy I'm a busy bee
Down to Top Ryde for date number three
Date one and two
They went to fancy restaurants
Date number three
They doin' something he wants
But girl is all pouting looking mighty blue
She said
I like being fancy more than I like you

Michelle's awkward bowling technique

There was something strange
About the kink of her arm
The girl's a holy roller
But you wouldn't bet the farm
'Cause she's got her own style
As she manipulates her limbs
She'll gutterball once
Then she'll get all y'all pins
Cause it' 50/50 20/20 7/10 strike
As the boys are disappearing
Like Christopher Pike
She works half of the time
She does more good than harm
What she lacks in consistency
She makes up in charm

I'm bowling alone
I'm bowling alone
I can't fucking believe
That I am bowling alone
At fucking Top Ryde of all fucking places
I hate this run-down dump
I am bowling alone

Mate, You're born alone and you die alone
Doesn't it make sense that you bowl alone?

Apap was supposed to come at half past twelve
When I called him at one
He said he'd just woken up
Why did I think the 501 chicks would come
I asked them at 4am three weeks ago
Employees give me dirtys cause
I'm wasting a lane
I can't fucking believe
That I am bowling alone

I hate Top Ryde
I only come here when I have to
I hate Top Ryde
I mull the no refund policy
When it gradually dawns on me that -

That guy's double parked
He's parked right over the white line
You can see it from the long entrance
The winding L-shape corridor
That leads into the bowling alley
Overlooking the parking lot
We'd just seen Star Trek: Insurrection at Macquarie
Owen's mom drove us here to bowl
There were people behind glass
Directly behind me
As I took a photo of the car
And then I posted it to OCAU, OCAU

I can honestly say
That was one of the least awkward date parties
I have ever been to
I really appreciate what your company does
We had so much fun
Bowling is an icebreaker
And it was convenient for me
'Cause I live by myself
Only five minutes walk away
In an apartment in Ryde
In an apartment in R-

Shoulda seen it coming, Icebreaker

Icebreaker, icebreaker
A preset activity
Something to do with your hands
Friendly rivalry
Music, lights, action, dates
Tonight could be the night
Tonight could be the -

She's a icebreaker
I'mma dominator
Dominatin' grooves to disseminate ya
With my owl on my shoulder
Knock you down with my
Polystyrene Indiana Jones boulder
Told ya

It's an icebreaker
35-year-old character
Grabbed the first girl and he married her
It's awkward when
You're single in your 30s
And you've never had sufficient
Practice flirting

Bowling was an icebreaker
They met at a speed dating night
Held at Top Ryde in 2005
He showed her how to bowl
With his body an echo of hers
And every single part of them was touching
And though you couldn't see a change
On the faces of the kids in the next lane
They were secretly embarrassed
Cause it was pretty obvious
That chemistry was present
Later they kissed in the carpark
Outside her Ford Fiesta

He strolled through the empty corridors
The end to his dry spell
The maybes and wants that he had

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His name is Mark
And her name's Fiona
They met at the bowling alley at Top Ryde
Her name's Fiona
His name is Mark
Though the bowling alley's gone
Their love is still strong

She says "I love how thou art
Till death do us part"
And though Top Ryde's gone
He's always at the top of her heart

Is it a plane
Is it an earthquake
No, it's a special offer

If the owl squints hard enough
He can make out traces of lanes
He can distinguish faces and arcade machines
Meal combos, ball buffers, couples and enemies
Shoes of all sizes that always run out
Electricity that never runs out
An implied promise that it never will
Reality creeping up from behind
Reality always gets real over time
That said
Though nothing is there anymore
If the owl squints hard enough
He can see it all
A lion's head reflected in a drop of sweat
On the forehead of an infant in a pram

Everyone who worked there was standing outside
Everyone who worked there
Had gathered in the rain
Everyone who worked there
Hovering in mid-air

- And it was at this point that I discovered I had the ability to freeze time.
And the first time I did it,
I watched her bowl.
And just as she was about to let go of the ball
I turned it on
And I was able to appreciate her in a way I've never been able to appreciate anyone or anything since or before, I suppose
It was at Top Ryde
You really - how do I say this
Rush of detail
And I noticed, like, the bra straps under the blue shirt she was wearing
And I could, I could see the blood in her arms
Flowing through her veins,
And it sounded like the ocean
And I started thinking about
Her digestive system
And suddenly it all made sense.

The ghost of Top Ryde
Came to me in a dream last night
He spoke to me of reconstruction
Spoke excitedly of the new subway line
And there were stories, dreams and beauty
Buried in folds in his eyes
And he carried a bowling ball
As he gently said to me
"I think I read on the website
That we will bowl again."

We will bowl again!

There's a 1 there's a 1
There's a 2 on either side
Fuck what, motherfucker
Fuck you, it's Top Ryde

We're goin' Disco Bowling
We're goin' down to Top Ryde
We're goin' Disco Bowling
We're gonna have a good time

Just when you thought life couldn't get any better
Suddenly you're on your way to Top Ryde
You're in the backseat
With your arm around your girl
As she looks you in the eye
And she says
This will be the best night of our lives

We're goin' Disco Bowling
We're goin' down to Top Ryde
We're goin' Disco Bowling
We're gonna have a good time

No matter how many times I hear Kelis' Milkshake
I never get sick of it
I never get sick of it
They play mixtapes that the kids bring in
They liked mine so much
They bought it off me
Hey, what can I say, I'm a mixtape machine
Six o'clock, lightbulbs spinning blue and green
There's a 1 there's a 1
There's a two on either side
Bowling in the place to be
Top Ryde

I remember when we all got AMF-branded hot dogs
Hot dogs and watery cups of Diet Coke
And this one kid threw them up all over my shoes
And the second that the vomit landed
The disco lights turned on

And you never seen better looking
Vomit in your life
It was green, it was red
It was everything you wanted it to be

We're goin' Disco Bowling
We're goin' down to Top Ryde
We're goin' Disco Bowling
We're gonna have a good time

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