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​The Eulogy Song

This song is by Andrew Hansen.

spoken:
Ah my great grandfather died this week,
I couldn't stand him actually nobody could,
But as soon as he passed away everyone went around saying what, what a top bloke he was,
So I'd like to dedicate this song to you, gramps

sung:
He was very hard of hearing,
He was dull and domineering,
Misogynous, cantankerous and vain,
He hit the bottle every night, he hit my grandma out of spite
And those stories about his bunions were a pain,
But all that's now forgotten once he took his final breath
Yes even pricks turn into top blokes after death

You don't believe me, allow me to furnish you with a few examples

Steve Irwin lived in khaki a cartoon kamikaze,
Who taunted crocks and tots so frequently
And Brocky was some rev head, who pumped the air with pure lead
So anti-green he drove into a tree
But all that was forgotten once they took their final breath
Yes even tools turn into top blokes after death

John Lennon chose the hippie life, he chose some nut bag for a wife
And his songs were never quite as good as Paul's
Jeff Buckley fooled all lovers just one album mostly covers
With more wailing than Japan does off our shores
But all that was forgotten once he took his final breath
Yes even wankers turn into top blokes after death

Princess Di was just a slut for sex,
When they looked in the car wreck her dress was wet with Arab semen stains
Stan Zemanek was a racist jock, a fat so Xenophobic cock
Who's views were more malignant than his brain
But all that's now forgotten once he took his final breath
Yes even arse holes turn into top blokes after death

It's not how they live that counts but how we rewrite the book
When it comes to truth its best to use restraint
It pays to throw away the facts and have a rose coloured look
When he dies Martin Bryant will look a saint

Don Bradman was a total bastard, grumpy, greedy, tight arse
Who couldn't even score one run last time he played
Kerry Packer was a brothel chief, a tax cheat and a kidney thief
And procreating Jamie was the worst mistake he made
But all that was forgotten once he took his final breath
Yes even cunts turn into top blokes after death

Belinda Em... (interrupted)

(Incoherent rambling)

Remember all will be forgotten once we take our final breath
Yes even pervert mother-fuckers, even rampant child abusers,
Even local Bagdad looters, even baby bunny rooters,
Even reckless drunken drivers, even rotten sperm imbibers,
Even violent poofter bashers, even public penis flashers,
Even rotting corps molesters, even human piss ingesters,
Even tiny kitten kickers, even anal finger lickers,
Even Anna bloody Coren! yes even she!
Will be a top bloke after death