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If You Can't Fuck It, Duct It

This song is by Amagortis and appears on the album Intrinsic Indecency (2010).

You might be a loser
You still need to get some sooner or later
Your right hand isn't enough, need for something else than lubricant and Vaseline
All your socks are stiff as fuck. Fuck it!
If you can't get laid, take a little time off
Travel to the countryside. Duct it!
It won't squeal on you in the same way the ladies do, and it won't laugh at you
Look at the selection, you can have it all here
Every size of pussy, no matter how depraved
Go ahead and pick one. They all have their advantages
Some of them stink, but others smell great!
Fuck it! Come on, get your dick wet
Don't be a fucking pansy, you'll never get a pussy
Duct it! If you can't get close, tape it to the bedpost
Fuck it with your eyes closed
Goats and sheep and pigs, cows, even chicken
Tape them down and fuck them like a beautiful woman
Can't get pussy, don't get sad and let your head down
Ask a farmer, he'll let you in the fucking barnyard
Do what you will any day
Every day a wonderland that says "come back with your next pay"
Whoever would've thought that furry little creatures don't just serve for meat and milk?
Never would have guessed what good times are to be had with a cow and lubricant
Fuck it! No one needs to know this. It can be your secret, you know it's better kept that way
Duct it! You think you're better than a rapist? The only difference is the diseases you'll catch!
I think I'll spell it out:
Fuck it! Your fucking cock starts itching
Duct it! Wait till you take a leak
Fuck it! You better count those sheep now
Duct it! The spanked monkey just bit back
Fuck it! This shit won't kill me, at least I get pussy! It's been a while
Duct it! If you wanna fuck it, gotta bring that duct tape every time!