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The Pope Is Pissed

This song is by Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy..

I talked one on one with the Pope today
And he's REALLY pissed off
He told me, and I quote,
"I hate this fuckin' job..."
He ranted on and on about how much he wishes
He could have lived his "true dreams" and instead
He had to settle for being the most highly respected
Religious official on earth.
I was shocked to hear about how he wanted to
Open up his own used-car lot.
I can see the commercials now,
"And if you buy a car in the next month,
We will give you a free communion and no extra charge!"
But no, he's miserable.
I met his wife...
Yeah, he's married.
Not many people know this,
Her name is Helga and she lives in
A secret hideout place underneath
The Amazon River.
The Pope knows nobody will find her there
Since the piranhas would eat anyone alive.
The Pope never gets bothered by the piranhas
They know "he's the pope" and wouldn't want
To go to "Fish Hell".
He told me about how much he hates waving to
Everyone at the stupid gatherings and services
He told me how much he hates bread and wine
And would much rather have some meat and a Jolt cola.
I feel sorry for the guy
Actually, it could be an entertaining job.
I'm sure he gets lots of benefits from it.
I bet Visa never turned down one of his credit applications...
"Sorry Pope, your credit isn't good enough for us."
"Ha Ha! Fuck you then! You're going straight to hell!"
"Oh! Ummmm, what was I thinking!? Here's a Visa-Gold! Here, have five of 'em!"
Maybe if I aspire to start my own used-car lot
I could become the pope too...