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​My Own Eyes

This song is by "Weird Al" Yankovic and appears on the album Mandatory Fun (2014).

This song is available as a downloadable track for the video game Rock Band 4.
I saw a baby drive a truck
I saw a junkie eat a tuba
I saw a stripper kiss a duck
Behind a dumpster in Aruba
I saw this fat, psychotic guy
His underwear was made of crickets
He pawned his skeleton to buy
Some old, expired lotto tickets

I saw a naked vagrant
Giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to his cat
I probably could've gone my whole life without seeing that

With my own eyes
I've seen things that'd drive a normal man insane
Wish I could disconnect my brain
From my own eyes

I saw a mime get hacked to death
With an imaginary cleaver
I saw an old man's final breath
I watched him die from Bieber Fever
I saw these diabetic chicks
In an abandoned 7-11
I watched 'em snorting Pixy Stix
While they were belching "Stairway to Heaven"
I saw two drag queens trying to see how many crackers
They could shove up each other's nose
I'd like to erase my mind completely but I suppose
That's just the way it goes

With my own eyes
I've seen things that'd drive a normal man insane
Wish I could disconnect my brain
From my own eyes... my own eyes
Those visions haunt my memory
Oh, there's so much I wish I could un-see
With my own eyes

Some priest got drunk and stole a circus zebra
And he trained it to massage his back
My guinea pig committed harakiri
So we used him to play hacky sack
My neighbor's kids sold weapons-grade plutonium
And frosty, ice-cold lemonade
They took MasterCard and sometimes human organs in trade
That's how we paid
I have to say that it was really darn good lemonade

With my own eyes
I've seen things that'd drive a normal man insane
Wish I could disconnect my brain
From my own eyes... my own eyes
Those visions haunt my memory
Oh, there's so much I wish I could un-see
With my own eyes
With my own eyes
With my own eyes
With my own eyes