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Handy

This song is by "Weird Al" Yankovic and appears on the album Mandatory Fun (2014).

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Handy
First thing's first I'm a craftsman (craftsman)
Remodeling is my only passion (it's my passion)
And I'm the greatest in the business
Want referrals? Yo, my clientele will bear you witness (right right)
I can help when your door jamb sticks (huh?)
There is nothing in the world I can't fix (yeah)
I do tiles, I do stone, I do bricks
Call me, I'll come rushing over with my bag of tricks (bag of tricks)
Where you go when your disposal is rusted? (rusted)
Termite problem makin' you disgusted? (yuck)
When your front window is busted?
Just one name that's always trusted

I'm so handy
You already know
I'll fix your plumbing when your toilets overflow
I'm so handy
Bring you up to code
When your dishwasher's 'bout to 'splode

Now you say that your furnace is needing some service
I'm fully bonded, no need to be nervous
Perhaps you would like a new counter - Formica
Maybe I'll hook up this here combo washer dryer
But all your pipes are antique, your water pressure's too weak
You've got an attic full of dry rot 'cause your roof's sprung a leak
Your fridge is startin' to reek, your hardwood floors really squeak
But don't you worry, I'll just show you my amazing technique
Now let me glue that, glue that - and screw that, screw that
Any random chore you've got, well, I can do that, do that
Or maybe I'll just rewire your house for fun
I got 99 problems but a switch ain't one

I'm so handy
Everyone says so
I'll grout your bathroom, resurface your patio
I'm so handy
I'm the guy to know
When your leaf blower doesn't blow

Patch the drywall, clean your gutters and mow the lawn
Make that phone call, I'll install anything you want
Yeah, check my big staple gun
My socket wrenches are second to none
I won't quit till I'm done
Don't even care if I hammer my thumb - ow!

Still rockin' my screwdriver
Got the whole world thinkin' I'm MacGyver
Your heating bills are shocking
I could solve that with some duct tape and some caulking
Your house is a disaster, huh?
Need a guy who's a master with the plaster, huh?
Let me be your stripper
Takin' off lacquer? No one does it quicker

I'm so handy
You already know
I'll beat all price quotes, my hourly rates are low
I'm so handy
You should call this pro
I'm in the phone book, and se habla español.

Written by:

Charlotte Aitchison, George Astasio, Amethyst Kelly, Kurtis McKenzie, Jason Pebworth, Jonathan Shave, Jon Turner and Weird Al Yankovic

External links